the feminine mistake

I haven't yet read this book, although I plan to:



The author argues that when women allow themselves to become too dependent on men for their financial well being, they are taking a huge risk. Sounds like a no-brainer, right? But millions of women are still giving up jobs and careers to stay home full time, believing that they can count on the deal they have struck with their husbands: they will take care of the children and he will provide his wife's financial security.

Women who do this mean well. I did it myself for a number of years, and I continue to believe that having one parent at home most of the time is optimal for babies and young children. It also helps a household run more smoothly even as the kids get older. God knows it would be easier if either Jon or I worked, say, half time.

But it's a big risk for the women who do it. Fifty percent of us will end up divorced or widowed, no matter how good our marriages seem when our children are little. And I can tell you from personal experience that ending up a mother in your mid-30s with no husband-with-a-job, no retirement plan of your own, no full time job and no health benefits is not a good place to be. It's even worse for women who find themselves in that position in their 40s, 50s, or 60s.

I wrote about my own experience as a "displaced homemaker" RIGHT HERE. As I say in the piece I wrote, I was luckier than most. I had kept one foot in the workplace even as I stayed home with my children (I was a freelance writer and editor) and this made it somewhat easier for me to find a "real" job and get back into the workforce, but it wasn't easy. If it hadn't been for significant family help during the transition, I would have ended up on public assistance.

My advice to all young women is to assume you will always have to earn a living for yourself and your children. If you take time off to be home with children, be smart and keep one foot in the workforce with freelance or part time work. Go back to work at least part time when your kids go to school. Get a retirement plan in your own name and start socking money away, even if you are a stay at home mom.

And we should all be working within the political system for better family social supports in this country that don't force women to make such stark choices between financial security and family obligations, starting with one year of paid maternity leave and retirement benefits for stay at home caregivers.