being married

So the first time I got married, it didn't really work out, although we had many happy years together and we have three amazing children neither of us would trade for the world.

But we got divorced. And that's sad.

Since my divorce, I have been almost obsessed with observing different marriages and trying to figure out which ones are working, and why, as well as trying to figure out which ones are not working, and why.

Now that I am getting married again, I am thinking about this issue even more. And I'm reading this book, which I HIGHLY recommend:


KLC said...

There's another book you might want to check out by Debbie Ford called "Spiritual Divorce". Easy read - actually interesting and perspective altering. Check it out and good luck, btw.

KLC said...

Caveat: The recommendation for Spritual Divorce was intended to help you move on from the "ties that bind and lead an extraordinary life" - not meant to imply that you and John are DOOMED - so sorry if it came across that way. ;>)

Anonymous said...

How about "Fighting for your Marriage"? This is a good book about learning how to handle conflict, keeping 'fun' time fun without letting issues get in the way, and how t have those 'issues' discussions at appropriate times.

I would say that in my marriage, one of the things I've learned in 14 years is NOT TO SHARE some things about your marriage with ANYONE but the two of you. Not your mother, brother, sister, or best friend. Marriage needs to be a safe place for the two of you. He needs to know you aren't going to tell your friends some things about him he would rather have kept private.

You may want to consider this since you both have blogs.

More wisdom--keep saying 'thank you' for all the little things. "Thank you for picking up the kids for me today." "Thank you for cleaning both cat boxes." "Thank you for going to the grocery store." All those little things add up, and people need to feel appreciated.

If you have a sharp tongue, as I do, learn to curb it! Every word you say will last until the end of your days together.

Laura Linger said...

One night, Ken and I were having dinner at The Melting Pot. Bread dipped in bubbly cheese...what is better than that?

It wasn't a very enjoyable meal. We were off in a little private alcove, and one table over, there was a party of three couples. There was one couple who was clearly holding court, and throughout the entire meal, they made "funny" cracks about each other to the group. We heard every word; it was hard not to, as the hilarity got louder and louder with every remark. The thing was, what they were passing off as humor was, in fact, vicious remarks about each other. There's an old saying: there's a lot of truth in comedy, and that's what makes it funny. Well, their "comedy" wasn't funny at all, despite the tepid laughter of the other couples, who were clearly uncomfortable. From the cheese to the coq au vin to the melted chocolate, we learned the following about the Happy Couple:

-her thighs are too fat
-she spends too much money and runs up the credit cards
-he apparently had a "flirtation" with a woman at the office
-he was arrested twice for drunk driving
-she's too permissive as a parent
-he drinks too much on the weekends
-she refuses to give him blow jobs
-he bought a Hummer without consulting her
-she's "not really working" because she is at home with the kids

You get the idea. It was horrifying. Absolutely horrifying. What were those two doing, being married? They clearly hated each other. They didn't care about each other. They disrespected each other. They aired all of their dirty laundry in public. God only knows what kind of a life their children have.

Want a blueprint for how NOT to behave in a marriage? Think: Melting Pot. Melting Pot.

katie allison granju said...

I am always horrified being around those couples whose way of bantering with each other - including when they are around others - is to tease one another to the point of meanness.

I think that it's important to remember - especially in public - that you and your husband/wife/partner are on the same team. Nobody else in the room's opinion should matter as much as that other person's opinion.

That said, there was a hilarious secene in Desperate Housewives once where Bree announced at a dinner party that her husband "cries after he has an orgasm." ;-)