Since I knew very little about miscarriages before this happened to me, I've been reading up online, which led me to all these INFERTILITY BLOGS. Iknew some of these blogs exist; I'd read the very funny and beautifully written CHEZ MISCARRIAGE in years past. But I didn't know there were so many, or that they feature some of the best writing on pregnancy and motherhood I've ever read. Highly recommended
I admit it, I'm scared that at age 39, this miscarriage means my years of nearly effortless conception, pregnancy and birth are over. Of course, this is just me being hysterical and paranoid. Most women who have several babies in their lifetimes will have at least one miscarriage. But I feel worried and frustrated and sorry for myself, and of course, as I've mentioned ad nauseam, I'm sick to death of how drawn out the whole experience has been physically.
The hospital went as smoothly as one would hope today. We were home by midday and the doctor says I look perfectly healthy and should be just fine. Still, getting an IV and general anesthesia was no fun. And I really hate the way hospitals smell.
The kids are with their father since Wednesday night and will be gone until Monday. I miss them.
Jon is superhusband. I feel bad that in my groggy, drugged state in recent days, I've called him by my ex-husband's name several times. What can I say? Exhusband and I were married for a long, long time. Fred, errr, I mean, Jon -- laid back sweetie that he is -- doesn't care. Or at least he says he doesn't. He's wonderful.
Worst news: doctor says I cannot take a tub bath for TWO WEEKS! Those who know me and my penchant, nay PSYCHOLOGICAL REQUIREMENT that I take several hot baths each day will attest to how traumatic this will be for me.
Damn.
And it's Friday night and I really wish I felt well enough to get out of bed and go downtown with Jon for all the First Friday fun. And I wish I could go see The Funhouse show at Barley's tonight and have some beer. But the anesthesiologist specifically denied me any alcohol for at least 24 hours.
Damn.
Anybody know how to order a movie from Comcast if you don't have the digital cable but just the regular cable?
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2 comments:
Ex-neighbor Margaret here....
You and your family have been in our prayers. We're heartbroken about your miscarriage. Been there, done that too when I was 38. Honestly, the anesthesia part was a blessing for me despite my own aversion to hospitals.
I believed that I couldn't conceive anymore and thought I was going pre-menopausal until "T" came along right before my 41st birthday. I guess I wasn't perimenopausal, huh.
Glad you're still able to blog through all the stuff you guys have been through. Here's hoping for better times ahead.
Margaret
I'm glad you're recovering. My OB told me 1 in 5 pregnancies ended in miscarriage, which shocked me, but my own mother had a miscarriage between my brother and I, and I think more people even than we know have had them as well.
Have you checked out www.julia.typepad.com? This woman has had, I think, 12 miscarriages in a row now, after having one healthy child. She's bent on having one more child, no matter what, and she's a brilliant writer. I'm not sure I agree with her decision (12 miscarriages! Would be! Agonizing!), but I love her courage in writing about it. And I'm not alone- She has like, a bajillion readers.
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