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Maybe I'm an outlier here, but I don't want my teenagers to take a virginity pledge.
I mean, I don't want them to have sex until they are mature enough to be safe and responsible, but I certainly don't want them waiting until they are married to have sex. That's a recipe for (likely, I know there are exceptions) disaster, in my opinion...
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I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.
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18 comments:
I think it is the best idea to wait; however in today's society it is unlikely. Getting to know each other intimately is a wonderful,fun,bonding experience for a married couple.I don't know how you can bond emotionally and intimately and then let it go. I didn't wait and have regretted it since I was 18. I gave in to peer pressure and curiosity and it led to disaster.When I met my husband and we became intimate it was completely different from the other person. It was a time of exploration and closeness that I treasure.I still feel that bond more than 20 years later.And it is still hot!
I have two young sons & I couldn't agree more. I can't imagine giving my blessing unless they have lived with a woman for a year at least.
My cousin & his first wife waited until marriage--had a very lavish wedding--& split up on their honeymoon!
I agree with most of your post.....I don't want to be manipulative of my kids at all. I want to let them know the good and the bad and the ugly and let them make a decision. But why would you say it's a recipe for disaster to wait until marriage? Just wondering....my husband and I have been married for 17 years come June, and we both lost our virginity 17 years ago come June. We're still having a great time. I'm open to reasons why you think this is an exception.
I also think it is best to wait until marriage. I will supply my children with all the facts, but I will encourage them to wait. I know plenty of people who did and have no regrets. Abstinence is NOT an impossible act. We are not dogs contrary to how many people think and act like in today's society. We can control ourselves! Sheesh.
Let me clarify my position.
First of all, I do not believe sex needs to be "controlled." I do not think that being actively sexual makes us like "dogs."
I do not believe that there is any moral component to how we express our sexuality except that we should be thoughtful and careful with others' emotions. We should also take good care of our own bodies and never do anything that could cause harm to anyone else's body.
But aside from that, I believe sex is a healthy, happy part of being human and not something that only belongs inside government/religiously sanctioned relationships.
i **do** think that sex can be a very special, important, spiritual part of a longterm-committed relationship, but it can also just be something fun that you enjoy with another consenting adult whom you like pretty well.
Be safe. Be kind. Be honest. Be happy. Have fun. That pretty much sums of my views on sex.
Well said, Katie.
Bad, irresponsible advice.
Such has led to the overwhelming increase in incurable disease among teenagers. Diseases that they will have to live with for the remainder of their lives. Some deadly. Some that will haunt them when they bear children carrying the consequences.
Unbelievably BAD advice. You should know better.
Fewer teens are getting pregnant than ever before and STD rates are dropping among teens.
Far more girls got pregnant in the "wait until marriage" era than do now.
And sex before marriage has no logical connection to disease or unplanned pregnancy anyway.
Mia- I don't think there is a right or wrong way to "view" sex. If you see it as holy, more power to you. I don't, necessarily.
I don't think there has to be a cultural contest to determine whose view of sex is More Right. You can have your view and I can have mine and as long as we don't bother each other, then so be it.
There is nothing wrong with waiting until marriage if this matters to you. There is also nothing wrong with not waiting, if this is not a life-marker (marriage) that you see as the tipping point for deciding to have sex.
I would just never marry anyone without first seeing if we like having sex with each other. I think that's a good plan....for me ;-)
I would almost believe you view the teachings, no, commandments of God in a book called the Bible, just another book of fiction. Unfortunately, like uninhibited, free for all sex, there are consequences to be faced one day, long lasting in the case of morality. Something called eternity.
Okay. I can accept that. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to tell my kids (I don't have much time, I know, as my oldest is 12....) because I know I believe differently from how I was raised. In the atmosphere I was raised in it was absolutely a sin to have sex outside of marriage--just about as evil as you can get. Now, I just don't believe it's evil....but I do think there's something hurtful about taking sex too casually, and for the life of me I don't "get" casual sex with someone you don't care to form an intimate relationship with, nor sex with someone you just met. But then, I'm pretty inexperienced that way....
I just wanted to clarify that my statement of "we can control ourselves" refers to just that. It does not refer to controlling sex, only how we handle ourselves about it. And no I don't think that having a sexual relationship makes you a dog, all I am saying is that animals do not control themselves when the urge strikes, but we humans can.
I have been a high school teacher for 20+ years. I have seen children who thought they were "ready" for sex; their parents taught them that it was okay if you were "ready".But let's be real...how many teenagers in the heat of the moment think it is the "right time' only to change their minds a few weeks later?Most of them are not prepared physically or emotionally. This is not a philosophy that works.The problem with teenagers having sex is that they are not ready emotionally for the consequences.I wonder why, Katie, that you feel sex is so casual?Why do you think that sexual compatability is an either or thing?Why can't it be something that grows and builds as you give yourself completely to someone you trust with everything?And who says that you can't enjoy or have fun sex with your spouse?
Katie, I've been a lurker here for a couple of months. (I wound up here because I really like your book Attachment Parenting. I'm an APer myself.) Your post and comments on this topic are terrific. Thank you!
>And who says that you can't enjoy or have fun sex with your spouse?
No one, least of all KAG, said that.
I can see that Katies philosophy on sex has worked very very well for her. no disasters waiting to happen there. (tongue very much in cheek...)..
for the life of me I dont know why this woman thinks that god died and left her in charge of telling other people how to live. I sit here and shake my head with my jaw hanging open at some of the stuff I read in here not to mention so many people are lapping it up.
Well, anonymous, if it shocks you so much to read what is written here, and that other people actually like what Katie says and look forward to her entries, then perhaps you should go elsewhere, where the writing and "morality" is more to your liking. How extremely hypocritical of you to judge Katie for your perception of her judging others.
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