Monday

quandary

Last week I was at the park at Cherokee Blvd. with my youngest child and his dog, Mabel, when we ran into a guy I used to know through a freelance project I did with TVA. He had his dog with him too.

So he and I were chatting while boychild and dogs frolicked happily nearby and before I left, he asked if he could have my phone #. I said sure, yadda, yadda, yadda.

So now he's left me a phone message asking if I want to go have dinner, but then the message ended rather tragically with: "And I hope you like Jimmy Buffett."

End of message.

OK, first of all, I most certainly DO NOT like Jimmy Buffett in any way, shape or form. I just don't. And really, anyone who thinks I might probably wouldn't enjoy my company.

Second of all, I have no idea what this rather cryptic signoff meant anyway. I mean, is he being funny? Is he just really clever and funny? Or is he serious and Jimmy Buffett has something to do with having dinner with him? Does he have some kind of strange JB fixation?

I'm thinking now I will not return his call.

53 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are never going to have a date in your life if you are that picky.

No man will ever measure up and you will never have anyone interested in you.

Janet C.
Philly

katie allison granju said...

I would rather die penniless and alone than listen to Jimmy Buffett.

Katie

Anonymous said...

Jeez, what is it with you? OK, so JB is terrible (or not, whatever). But you would actually make a decision about whether to even return a phone call on a self-admitted cryptic remark about Jimmy Buffet? There are so many things off limits for you(the tragically awful Dan Brown books, pointy shoes (wha?), bad corporate literature, it's a wonder you deign to speak to anyone, for fear they might offend. I'm sure the list is longer, these are the ones I could glean from recent blog postings. Do you require full compliance with your exhaustive questionaire of acceptable tastes in clothing, music, literature and movies before you agree to, I don't know, share a cab with someone? Such fierce judging as unworthy over such little things. Stereotyping to the exponential degree. It must be lonely in your cultural ivory tower.

katie allison granju said...

I'm sort of joking about this stuff, you know.

And I like lots of stuff that definitely ISN'T from some "cultural ivory tower." To wit: I love true crime, the National Enquirer, cheap sunglasses, girly movies, Journey (the band), PBR beer, sparkly toenail polish, the Village People, chicklit on the beach, the kind of birthday cake you get at the grocery store where the icing turns your face blue or red or whatever, cheapy hotdogs on cheapy buns, junk stores...

But I'm picky about men...those I might want to hold hands with anyway. I'll admit it. Isn't that better than being NOT picky enough?

And the larger question is this: what exactly did he MEAN by mentioning Jimmy Buffett in that particularly inscrutable way? ANswer me that?

Anonymous said...

who knows what he meant? If you don't, and you're not getting any help here, why not pick up the phone and call him back? Put yourself in the other situation - you like Journey, and it slips out in conversation. Would you like to know that the (potential) man of your dreams never called you because he heard you liked Journey? Does your liking of Journey define you as a person? Does it instantly mark you as a Camaro-driving, fem-mullet-wearing Night Ranger fan? Hardly. Is it fair, or even good practice, to be "picky" about Jimmy Buffet, concluding, as you said, that you couldn't have a good time with somebody that likes (perhaps, again, we don't know) the King of flipflops?

Look, we all have have things we do cultural superior dances about. I happen to loathe Reality TV, and consider it the Sign of the Apocalypse, and further, that anyone that likes it must be several bricks shy of a load. And I would gladly mock anyone and everyone that watches any Reality TV. Except for my favorite Sports Writer (probably the kiss of death here, since that's probably on your list of cultural no-no's) and legendary crossover blogger, the Sports Guy, on ESPN.com, who consistently weaves commentary about Road Rules, Survivor and other horrid shows into very funny commentary about sports. Oh, and my wife, whom I love very much, but has watched the Bachelorette. Now would it have been a good idea for me not to have gone out with her (or even called her) over this one indiscretion (however unforgiveable)?

And, yes, you are kidding, but in other ways, no, you are not. It's one thing to mock cultural foibles in others, and acknowledge one's own (I bet you've never 'fessed up to the Journey thing here before). It's quite another to stereotype/mock/judge in such a dismissive, highbrow way. It's similar to the rock critics who disdain anything that sells a lot of copies, as though popularity with the great unwashed masses somehow is an indicator of low-quality, while only obscure, overlooked bands are worthy of critical approval. It's elitist, and elitism always feels condescending. It's not the "cultural Ivory Tower" in the classic academic sense of the word, it's Katie's "acceptable cultural Ivory Tower," wherein the National Enquirer is acceptably fun/trashy in a silly way, but Jimmy Buffet merits a lonely and penniless death.

katie allison granju said...

For your information, my favorite guy-of-the-moment DRIVES A CAMARO.

I am not making that up. He even let me drive it recently, which was quite amazing since no one ever agrees to let me drive their car.

He also has a cat, and I usually avoid men who have a cat (and not a dog.) His cat hates me, too and is really bizarre whenever I'm around.

See. I'm not too picky ;-)

I hear you on all this. But the part you aren't getting is this: I am only super picky about men I might want to date, not about my friends. I was married for more than a decade. I am 37 years old and have a job and a half (full time job plus freelancing)and three children. I have earned the right to be picky.

I have a wide, wide variety of friends from all walks of life and with all kinds of interests. Whether you believe that or not, it's quite true. If you live in Knoxville or surrounds, let me know and I'll invite you to my next Granju shindig.

I just happen to know pretty clearly at this point in my life what works for me romantically and what is a big waste of time - for me and for the other person.

Plus, as you must surely know, part of what blogging is about (or writing any creative nonfiction is about) is magnifying real things. So when I say I would rather die penniless and alone than listen to Jimmy Buffett, I am being more than a little flip and silly. You know?

And I don't like the National Enquirer in an ironic way. I actually really love it. Seriously. I'm a fan.

Anonymous said...

What I want to know is how you are finding any men at all to go out with at age 37 and the mother of 3 children.

I'm married and have a baby and a preschooler but I have thought about how hard it would be to find anyone who would want to ask me out if I were divorced now in my 30's and a mom with two kids.

What is the secret? Are you really skinny and beautiful and perfect. I have never seen a picture of you in anything you have ever written.

I really enjoy your articles and the blog, so I am just curioues.

Anonymous said...

ok, ok. I give.

No, on second thought, I do not. I think you totally missed my point about applying your "pickiness" (your term) to this situation, anyway. You've preemptively concluded that this guy won't work for you ("earned the right to be picky"? whatever. It's your life/potential loss), simply on the basis of a cryptic Jimmy Buffet comment. You don't even know if he likes JB, for heaven's sake, and even if he did, both you and he might happily coexist, he with your National Enquirer habit, and you with his (as yet unconfirmed) Parrothead roots.

And you totally ignored the entire "cultural elitist" line of argument, which I think is important here, especially on a blog of someone who writes about pop culture. Your scathing remarks about various books/bands/movies of which you don't approve send a clear message that those on the wrong side of the Katie divide are somehow less worthy. You state that you have friends with a wide range of interests, but to a casual reader of this blog, that comes as a surprise. You often sound like the Jack Black character in "High Fidelity," sitting in judgement on those whose tastes don't match your own. I'm just telling you how it reads from the outside.

Speaking of Nick Hornby, I read an interesting piece on him recently, wherein he essentially swore off music criticism (and in particular, the condescension associated it), and acknowledged that it was fine for folks to like whatever they want to, including even (ack, I must say) Britney Spears. He was savaged by the mainstream music critics, who precariously occupy a perch created by mocking those whose tastes aren't as rarified as their own.

Anyway, the very idea that you can determine your life compatibility with someone based on an as-yet unclear remark about Jimmy Buffet, is, on the face of it, quite ridiculous, don't you think?

Dewi said...

You’re a hilarious writer and many people get your pithy comments.

When I met my husband, I invited him for dinner at my apartment. He seemed to be a fine food and wine snob so as a joke I made the two of us TV dinners. I’m also a foodie but not as fussy as him. It took him most of the evening to realize this was a joke; he then thought it was brilliant to serve him crap in tin foil plate on a beautiful tablecloth presented as if it was real food.. He thought I was the cleverest girl he ever met.

I was in Key West last year and to my horror, we accidentally ate lunch in a Jimmy Buffet owned restaurant.
Do you have Jimmy buffet restaurants in your area?
Be adventurous and call him. Maybe he is goofing on you.

katie allison granju said...

Are you kidding? I am none of those things! Clearly you have not seen this picture of me, taken only yesterday.

I am, however, pretty accepting of myself now. I weigh 15 pounds more than I did before Baby #1, but I had a bad eating disorder pre-motherhood and nowadays, am quite grateful to have made peace with my body. My obsession with flat abs before I had babies was not healthy.

... And I'm relatively athletic again after years of neglecting the sports I enjoyed a lot in high school and college.

I ride horses and do some yoga and am running now. And I walk all over my neighborhood and around downtown as often as possible. Oh yeah! ANd I've become a trampoline fanatic. I love jumping on our trampoline.

But now I don't exercise to look any certain way. I do it because I want to feel good and be flexible and sturdy. And I like feeling like I could kick someone's ass if the need arose. Not sure I actually could, but after I run a few miles, I feel like I could.

So I am not skinny, definitely. I'm And not perfect or "beautiful." But I'm happy and healthy.

And I have cute shoes ;-) That's the secret to men - wear cute shoes. And good lingerie. That, and evidence a willingness to play drinking games.

(I AM JOKING. Now I feel the need to add that caveat to every arch or ridiculous thing I write here)

And I actually also think that the fact that my maligned pickiness is good. When I go out with friends who are single and have never been married and are still looking for "the guy," they sometimes give off a bit of a desperate vibe, which, if I were male, wouldn't be too enticing. I am more lackadaisaical (sp?) because I am somewhat jaded after having my heart shattered in a bazillion pieces by "the guy."

OK. I better stop looking at the blog so I can bust a move and get a big freelance piece done tonight. I have to finish it before I go to Bonnaroo Weds night...

Random thoughts from...Katie

katie allison granju said...

Okay, okay, You guys are right. I will call him tomorrow. I will have dinner with him this week (my children are gone for TEN WHOLE DAYS to the beach with Chris and his family.).

And I will sit back and wait for whatever the JB comment was to reveal its meaning ;-)

Maybe he's just way smarter and funnier than I am and I am too dull witted to get the joke.

katie allison granju said...

okay - this is really my last comment tonight, but I wanted to mention that I love Britney ("Toxic" makes me want to dance naked on a table) AND Nick Hornby AND the Jack Black character in High Fidelity.

I also really loved the Lester Bangs characterization in "Almost Famous."

And I like the snobby characters in Ernest Wilde plays. I also love Dorothy Parker's spot-on skewers, which are far more judgmental than anything I ever write (not to mention simply far better WRITING than I could ever write).

Anonymous said...

I am going to post this anonymousley even though I have used my name posting here on Katie's blog before.

I have "known" Katie since college, meaning we recognize one another at parties and have a number of friends in common in Knoxville. I think she would know me. She works in local media and I do too. So I see her around. Last week I saw her having lunch with a well known local male writer downtown. That's another cool thing. She always seems to have men friends. Just friends.

And the question about why men are interested in her is simple. Katie is a very, very attractive girl, though not necessarily in the tall, blond way. She is always one of the women people at the party notice and that has been true since college and is still true when I see her ath the occasional cocktail party or at Preservetion Pub. She always seemed to have the coolest boyfriend on campus (cool, meaning the arty rocker types). I was very surosrised when I heard she got married and had kids so early and then I didn't see her for a number of years although I read her writing in magazines and in Metro Pulse. I always wondered what became of her.

And now when I see her around town, she looks amazing. In fact, just the other day a male friend of mine asked me if it was true Katie Granju was single. He had read her essay about her divorce in the NYTimes, and wanted to know whether I knew how he could get her e-mail address since I work in local news because he said he saw her dancing on Market Square at a concert and wanted to introduce himself but was too shy. I told him to look at her blog.

Her sarcastic humor that some blog readers seem not to get is not new. It has been noticeable since she wrote music reviews and political columns for the college paper and all the frat guys were too initimidated by this really smart, funny, cute girl with spiky blue hair (at one point that I remember). They were afraod she would eat them for lunch.

So the reasones men ask Katie Granju out now when she is in her thirties and a mom is the same reason they did when I never got up the courage to do it fifteen years ago. She says she hates Jimmy Buffett, makes no apologies, and looks pretty damn hot saying it. I enjoy watching her on channel ten too. I wish she were on more often.

Now you know why this is anonymous. My wife would kill me if she read it. My wife is pretty hot too by the way!

Anonymous said...

Just because somebody disagrees with Katie doesn't mean they don't "get" her humor. It means, perhaps, that instead of finding it arch, or Dorothy Parker-esque, they find it smug, condescending, and intellectually intolerant and snobbish. Even when it's funny. Nobody ever suggested she should like Jimmy Buffet, or that she should apologize for not liking Jimmy Buffet. Rather, it was suggested that perhaps drawing conclusions about someone, and their potential life compatibility based on a single obscure comment regarding Mr. Buffet (who, indeed, is neither a cool arty rocker type, nor someone who attracts same), is simply silly, and, and not particularly astute judgement. There's a difference between liking the Jack Black character in High Fidelity (the role he was born to play), and wanting to emulate him.

Anonymous said...

I am totally with you other anonyous. I pick up on her smugness and its disgusting. so she admits to reading the national enquirer..theres that tone in there of I'M SLUMMING. I knew a lot of people like this when I lived on the east coast. oh so arty, oh so intellectual (so they thought) and putting pink plastic flamingos on their front lawn was just another facet of that smug intellectualism. ten years ago when I was a nervous new mother I was just crushed when people like her slammed me for bottlefeeding my child and not letting her sleep in my bed. however now that I see these other facets of Katies personality I see her for what she is. frankly I feel sorry for her ex husband and any guy who dates her because he'll be getting a load of that sharp little tongue. we should wonder at her ex's side of the story. I look at character in people, integrity. not at the image they project. and Katie, honey, you are ALL about image. other than the fact that I have some issue with his glamorizing substance abuse, I like Jimmy Buffett. I wish he would go to AA and clean up his act but I dont have some big superiority act about the music I listen to. I used to work at my college radio station and I knew the Katies that were there...they thought they were hot stuff because they didnt listen to TRASH like normal people. I still remember being looked down the nose at by the Katie Grandjus of my particular college campus because I liked disco (along with Jimmy Buffett)

Anonymous said...

I should add my husband dislikes Jimmy Buffett too..but he isnt all smug and intellectual about it..he just doesnt like him. I spent years of my life working in catering for Haaaahvahd university and man, we used to get such a kick laughing at those intellectuals and how stuck on themselves they were. I still remmeber this one nutjob i worked with who fancied herself a writer. she and I got in aa discussion of what is "real art". and she asked me if I would rather have a dead Sylvia Plath or a live Danielle Steele. and I said oh Danielle Steele of course since when is glamorizing some nutjob who stuck her head in an oven a good thing. she was appalled....I rest my case...

katie allison granju said...

I'm sorry people at your college radio station were mean to you.

I love disco.

And sheesh, I already SAID I will call Jimmy Buffett guy today. I will call him today and will ask, nay, INSIST that we go out tonight ;-)

--Katie

Hal said...

I've gone out with Kate many times. (As a friend. I am a gay man, though) and she is sweet, fun, kind, and always has the best earrings. She also wears an armful of silver bracelets most of the time and I think it's the bracelets that make her so adorable. Straight men love those jangly bracelets. Plus, there's something appealing about her extreme clumsiness.

She's not a snob or an intellectual meanie. Did you know she was the Bell Buckle hog calling champ two years in a row as a kid?

This conversation is pretty funny. I can't wait to call KG today and ask if she's set up her date with Jimmy Buffet fan.

Anonymous said...

I am a guy who thinks smart and sarcastic women are sexy. I have no idea what Katie looks like, but I read her blog several times a week because I like reading her thoughts on culture. I discovered her blog after reading something really hilarious she wrote in Salon about Generation X parents. (I am a divorced 34 year old with a 6 year old son)

Her comments about Jimmy Buffett made me laugh really hard and wish that I had her phone number just so I could call her up and ask her out and tell her that I also hate Jimmy Buffett. I mean, come on. She said she would rather die penniless and alone than listen to freaking Jimmy Buffett. That's funny. That's so funny that even though I live in Charlotte, I may still call Katie up in Knoxville and ask her out.

I also agree that it is far better to know yourself well enough not to waste time going out with people who don't understand your sense of humor. I had a date recently with a woman from my office I had wanted to ask out for months and the whole evening was really a let-down because she didn't seem to understand anything I said. I would say something funny and she would respond in all sincerity and then to avoid being rude, I had to nod my head and say "mmm hmmm" in a sincere sort of way. Very boring.

Mr. Booni said...

I say stand your ground. You should be able to maintain an active social life while avoiding Jimmy Buffett.

Anonymous said...

I never said anyone was mean. there is a HUGE difference between "mean" and just acting like a bunch of self important snobs. no one was "mean" to me...they just annoyed the shit out of me because of their own pompousness.

Anonymous said...

mmmm...cool..yeah..arty rocker...thats something to look for in a husband...try character and integrity instead of picking people by their "coolness" factor. I would rather have had the boyfriend on campus with the most honesintegrity instead of Mr Hip.

katie allison granju said...

I wasn't looking for a husband.

--Katie

katie allison granju said...

I posted this once, but it doesn't appear to have taken root, so I'll repeat...

So is anyone curious as to what happened when I oh-so-politely returned JimmyBuffettguy's phone call a while ago?

--Katie

Mr. Booni said...

Sure, how did that go?

Anonymous said...

yeah, I'll second that request. It's Mr. First Anonymous (call me Goober, after Gomer's less-refined cousin). I'd shore be real intrested in that, Ms. Granju!

On a related note, no, you didn't say you were looking for a husband, but you did say you were thinking about this in a "more-than-friends" way.

Kizz said...

I'll 3rd the request to hear that story.

I'll also say that you just happened to hit a nerve. I think that's why you're getting such spirited conversation. I'm about your age and I've never been married. Far from perceiving that my friends think me desperate (as you said you feel some of your friends like me are) I feel as though my married friends find me too picky and that's why I haven't found "the one".

So it's interesting to hear what you say as one of the marrieds and as one of the singletons.

katie allison granju said...

OK, so I called him back and didn't mention the Jimmy Buffett thing at all, thinking that he would explain it to me if/when I saw him next (which honestly, I was not that eager to do, Jimmy Buffett or no Jimmy Buffett - but what do you say when someone asks you for your # and you don't want to be rude? Huh? I'm sure that will start a whole 'nother heated debate. And here's another question: what do you say if you are applying lip gloss in a bathroom at a bar and the stripper washing her hands next to you asks to borrow it?)

But I digress.

I did not have to wait for a Jimmy Buffett explanation. This man wanted to know if I wanted to go have dinner with him on his boat and listen to Jimmy Buffett and drink margaritas.

I know, I know. You all think I am a mean, horrible, nasty bitch, but you would be proud of how my good manners held up as I sputtered out an answer - a stupid answer, but an answer all the same.

I told him that I get seasick ( a lie) and that I don't drink (a really huge lie). Then I told him that while I appreciated the invitation, I wasn'treally feeling like going on any dates at the moment.

So there you have it.

Skewer away.

Anonymous said...

I think I am in love with you, Katie Alison Granjdu. You're like a soccer mom, only with an edge. I have loved your writing for years and I can't believe I found your blog just as a flamewar erupts over your dateng habits.

I myself will not date women who wear pantyhose (unless they are fishnet) or who like Sheryl Crow or Los Lonely Boys. No one ever gives me any shit about this, probably because I'm a guy.

Women aren't supposed to be so picky. Picky women are called bitches, but you seem like an awfully cool picky bitch to me.

So who do you go out with? Who is the camaro guy? I have a Toyota, so I can't compete with a camaro. I do not, however, have a cat. I have a dog named Otis. You would like him.

Anonymous said...

Well, crap. Double-crap, even. I call forth a blaze of righteous indignation in defense of Mr. Jimmy Buffet remark guy, and he turns out to match the stereotype you had so carelessly and condescendingly threw away. Probably - maybe he's not a bad guy, and likes really cool arty rock bands also, and would've invited you to a cool arty rock band show on a different day.

Nevertheless, I stand by my comments that smug cultural superiority and intolerance, rather than being cute and funny, is merely smug and pompous, even when it is funny. And that most people are multi-faceted (as you have aptly demonstrated in your own ase, in re: National Enquirer and Camaros. And disco. eek.), and that drawing conclusions about the whole person based on a single characteristic fits the classic definition of stereotyping.

And for the umpty-unth time, I don't think anybody said you were a mean, horrible, nasty bitch. I think it was suggested that perhaps you should lighten up, and not be so judgemental. By the way, telling him you don't drink was not only a big lie, but also fairly implausible, as anybody with access to Google, and about ten minutes here, could ascertain. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

katie allison granju said...

Yep, you got me there. I do indeed like to imbibe on occasion. No googling necessary to confirm it. I freely admit it.

I think this Jimmy Buffett man seems awfully nice, but I don't want to go out with him.

Let's put it this way - he DESERVES someone who thinks he's the bomb. Why should he waste his time with me? Some woman will get all swoony at the thought of going out on his boat (HIS boat! He owns it!) and having him fix her supper (probably grilled fish, which I hate.) and serenade her with Jimmy Buffett songs. I am not that woman.

I am still puzzled by the idea that saying I am only attracted to certain types of men makes me so different from every other woman on the planet.

I have been informally polling female officemates today. One says she only likes guys who "work out." Another says she only dates Christians. A third wants a husband who "loves kids."

All I want is a man who doesn't like Jimmy Buffett, for God's sake.

Ha.

Anonymous said...

For heaven's sake, you don't listen! Does the Jimmy Buffetness define him as a person? Is that the only characteristic that's relevant? Does every single person, without exception, who likes Jimmy Buffet, come with the entire set of evil characteristics associated with the Buffet-one? Can you immediately characterize every single person who has ever sung along to a Buffet song as a Parrothead, with the attendant nasty, unpleasant characteristics that go along with such an epic failing? What if he only owns one Buffet CD, and then every other single CD in his collection matches yours? And he reads the Enquirer?

Let me put it this way - how would you feel if bunches, nay, hordes of really cool arty rock guys, including ones who would find every other aspect of your personality, life, etc., wildly fabulous, elected never to call you on the basis of a single fact - that you once read the National Enquirer? Oh, but you would never want to date anyone so shallow, that he wouldn't call you just because you read the Enquirer, right?

Dewi said...

An isolated date on a boat with a stranger is a bad thing!
No matter what your reasons for not going you’re one smart cookie to say no.
It’s a good thing you hate JB. You might have been enticed to make a big mistake and go on this guy’s boat. Isolated on the water with this complete stranger and no way out if, it got weird or dangerous. Definitely not a smart date for a woman who knows nothing about this fellow except he walks his dog in the same park as you and likes Jimmy Buffet.

katie allison granju said...

FYI: my sister says her litmus test is men who like wine coolers. They're a no-go.

--Katie

mamalife said...

Wow - 34 comments all over a Jimmy Buffett comment and the fact that you are "too picky" - in my opinion a much better thing than not being picky enough! This blows my mind! Did you ever think there would be such a big debate???

kayla said...

oh, I am so with your sister on the wine cooler thing. And the same goes for guys who drink frozen drinks. Nuh-uh, no way.

Mari said...

Yeah, tell us more about the bitchin' Camaro guy. Does he live in Knoxville? What does he do? Details! We want details!

I'm much less interested in discussing this Jimmy Buffett guy you don't want to go out with than in discussing the one you do.

Mari

Anonymous said...

yeesh, so women are really as shallow as I always feared. One single lonely characteristic, is enough, in isolation, to doom a potential relationship. Wine coolers. That's really important. Tells you a lot about a person - their aspirations, their life story, their interest in family. Is it only a particular brand of wine coolers that get the stamp of Allison disapproval, or do all wine coolers doom all consumers of said beverage to a life of pathetic loneliness?

You had mentioned earlier that your co-workers hed mentioned "guys who love kids," and "only dates Christians," as important defining characteristics. Along with "guys who work out." Now you aren't honestly going to put "hates Jimmy Buffet" in the same category as religion or family, right? I mean, right?

Of course not. Instead, you are using Buffet (or wine coolers) as a marker - an indicator. A suggestion of what the person is like. Again, as a defining characteristic. This isn't being "picky" folks, it's being superior (all men who like Jimmy Buffet are not fit for dating). There aren't only two choices here: desperate ("anyone will do, even drunken, mouth-breathing wine-cooler-drinking fat guys") or picky ("I carefully weigh my options, and only date men with the all-important hate Jimmy Buffet gene"). Sometimes, stereotyping people is just dumb.

Let me return to my analogy - you have to write individual facts about yourself on small pieces of paper - "writes a blog" "mother of three great kids" "horse nut" "reads National Enquirer". You toss them in a hat, and I, in my role as God of the Thought Experiment, find a roomful of arty rocker types (who, of course, all hate Jimmy Buffet), and make them pick one of those pieces of paper out, and decide right then and there, with only that one fact to go on, whether or not to invite you to dinner, which most certainly would not involve grilled fish or wine coolers. Further, in my omniscience, I make sure that the one guy who would be your soul mate picks the Enquirer piece of paper. That's all he's got to go on. Would that define you as a person? Would you want your one crack at the ultimate relationship to turn on that single fact?

Anonymous said...

COME ON PEOPLE! She is joking. Her sister is joking.

This is hilarious.

And really, doesn't almost everyone, male or female, have at least one "nonstarter" when it comes to the opposite sex? To be honest? I mean, it could be the person's weight or body shape or interest in tarot cards or excessive love of star trek or political views or WHATEVER. If a really overweight person asked you out, would you say yes? What if a man in a terrible polyester suit asked you out?

If I met someone he said he loved, loved, loved playing Dungeons and Dragons, I doubt I'd go out with him. Now if I already knew the guy and had discovered all kinds of wonderful things about him and then found this out, it would irk me, but wouldn't be a dealbreaker, but when you are first sizing a potential date up, stuff like whether they love music you hate in a genre you detest might make you unlikely to want to try them out for an evening.

I know Kate. She's a sweetie with a rather silly, loopy sense of humor. She's also one of the kindest people I know, always the first to help someone out or listen when people need her and I am always amazed when I go to her parties how many different friends she has from all kinds of jobs and lifestyles and interests. At her presidential debate party last year, all her neighbors were there and people from her job and there were republecans and democrats and an anarchist or two in the mix and maybe a libertarian. It was so fun.

But she went through a really painful breakup last year and frankly, I think it's better to be overly cautious and yes, picky, than to be running around with all kinds of men. Plus, I happen to know that she doesn't have a lot of free time. She doesn't do anything but mother those kiddos when they are not with Chris. As a friend, I'd rather see more of her and have dates with very little potential see less of her on the rare evening she has time to do something with grownups.

But most of all, she was being funny. Just that.

I have never posted anything here and probably never will again (although I read the blog often because Kate is one of my favorite writers.) But I needed to say this before going to bed.

Anonymous said...

I cant believe with all this debate only one other person pointed out the obvious: going with some stranger on a boat, alone, to drink...is a very very stupid idea. I would hope that if this guy had different musical tastes that even Katie wouldnt be that incredibly unwise as to take him up on it.

katie allison granju said...

I can't say alot about the camaro guy. He has a top secret job. With the government. Having something to do with the camaro. His cover requires him to do rather inscrutable work with numbers and money in a suburban office park near a major sunbelt city.

I will say this much, however. He likes Thai food and wears a lot of sunscreen. And he owns a painting of a psychedelic nutria, which is honestly the primary reason I like him at all.

;-) Katie

katie allison granju said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
katie allison granju said...

Referencing the post several above this one that says "even Katie wouldn't be that unwise...."

"Even Katie"???

I didn't even go on a date for nearly 2 years after my husband and I broke up. I was monk-like. I am dead serious. I am uber picky and super careful, given that I have three other human beings who depend on me.

Moving on, let's talk about someone else's dating dilemma now that mine is solved.

Anyone?... Anyone?

--Katie

Anonymous said...

I have a dating question: I can't get one. I'm a single 32 year old woman in Knoxville. I have a pretty interesting job at a bookstore. I never ever get asked out. Why is this?

Anonymous said...

Blogs for dates??? Hey -- Anonymous -- if I knew which bookstore, I'd ask you out, at least for a drink!!! :)

Dr. Neighbor said...

Hey Ms. 30s-with-2-kids, I've dated Katie and, well, several women with kids. I don't have kids and am not sure that I want them, though Katie keeps telling me that I should. Anyway, any man who doesn't want to date you because you have two kids is a man that you don't want to date (if you're interested in a relationship, anyway), so consider yourself blessed to avoid wasting time on those bozos.

I've always been attracted to women whom I was afraid would eat me for lunch.

I think Katie's attractiveness has to do with her feeling good about herself. Sure, the Jimmy Buffett thing seems a bit over-the-edge (and no, neither she nor her no-wine-coolers sister is joking), but I think she's right---if I were a guy who thought that drinking margaritas on my boat and listening to Jimmy Buffett was the perfect way to spend an evening, I wouldn't want to waste it on Kate. That might have been the more kind answer, but I don't think she came up with it until hours or days after she got off the phone.

Hey, Ms. Bookstore, step into the 80s---you don't have to wait for Sadie Hawkins day to meet a guy for a drink or join a group for happy hour or whatever. Katie and I still disagree about whether our first two meetings were "dates." I though rather get to know someone as a friend and if something else happens, that's great, and if not, you've got a friend (unless, of course, he likes Jimmy Buffett). Be yourself.

So my advice to the both of you (if you're still listening) is to (1) try NOT to date anyone, but instead just find interesting people to hang out with. (2) Go to happy hours (it seems that dozens of groups of people in this town have regular happy hours---find your friends who go to them and hang out; maybe this is true in every town and I just didn't know anyone before I got divorced). (3) Always keep a bottle of wine or six pack of beer at home; inviting someone into your home is a way to get closer to them. (4) Be yourself. Don't pretend that you don't have kids or that you like Mexican food or that you like Jimmy Buffett. You don't want someone who's attracted to what you're not.

Anonymous said...

Is Katie's middle name Allison or was that her name before she got married?

Anonymous said...

uh, you're attracted to women who might eat you for lunch eh? sounds sick.

Anonymous said...

just one closing comment on virulent music snobbery: From an article on Nick Hornby...

NICK HORNBY has thought a lot about pop music.

At the beginning of this century, the best-selling novelist served as music critic for The New Yorker.

In 2003, he put out "Songbook," an eloquent volume of essays based on a collection of his favorite tunes.

And for his celebrated 1995 novel "High Fidelity," which became an even more celebrated movie, Hornby cooked up a batch of record store geeks who viewed the world and all of its inhabitants through the prism of their musical tastes.

But if Hornby ever shared that snobbery -- and he probably did -- he has changed his tune. Today, the 48-year-old British writer has shed the elitism.

"I'm at a stage in my life where whatever music you like is fine with me," says the author who will present a reading/concert at [deleted] with one of his favorite bands -- Marah.

"It's such a complicated connection, and I've started to think of it like those plugs you have at the back of your computer with nine pins and nine holes. You need the nine holes to fit around the nine pins, and so whatever I feel about Springsteen or Marah somebody else feels about Cher or Justin Timberlake, and I no longer want to judge and to say that they're wrong for thinking so. I'm happy that people get pleasure from their music, whatever it is."

And so these days Hornby is free to do what most critics could never do: act as an all-out cheerleader, booster, even support act for a band he loves. In this case it's the little-known Philly combo called Marah. With its sweaty, soaring, Springsteen-esque live shows, this quintet led by the Bielanko brothers has come to embody what Hornby loves best about live music -- engaging, momentum-driven rock shows that on some level simply make "us glad we're alive." He wrote as much in an op-ed ode to Marah in the New York Times last year that was both applauded and flayed by fans and music critics -- including The New Yorker's Sasha Frere-Jones, who posted an especially vicious vivisection of the piece on his own Web site. Among other things, Jones wrote: "It turns out that the [NYT's] idea is not to find rockist crackers or closet bigots or plain old crabcakes who just wanna rail against music as it exists and operates now -- the idea is to find people who are unable to hear music as it exists and operates now, and then ask them to write about it."

"I think that a lot of the rock critics who attacked it felt I was kind of attacking their life," Hornby says of the op-ed that celebrated the joys of this uncomplicated bar band while questioning the substance of some current music. "I think people take it very personally if you do that."

This was clear from the virulent critical blowback that came loaded with charges of rockism, old fogery and cultural neo-conservatism. It was like watching cannibals eat elders who they felt had grown obsolete.

Anonymous said...

I think this Hornsby guy is on the right track. but what really struck me was that when there are such truly important things in the world that someone would work themselves up because there are people in the world who have more plebian tastes than they do is a pretty sad commentary. that people would make such a big deal out of hte type of music one likes is something honestly that should have died in high school. of course I still remember the day in HS when I confessed I liked John Denver around some of the arty snobby types in my advanced placement class. man, you could have heard a pin drop....
and one wonders why I haved really mixed feelings about people whose lifes purpose is to get as much education as possible.

Anonymous said...

I love the Bonaroo photos. Katie Granju is a babe. She's funny and I read her blog (she reminds me of Sara Vowell's writing) but I never saw a picture until the Bonaroo blog linked from this one. The sidekick is lucky. I suspect he's more than a sidekick.

spinetingler said...

I'd ask her out sight unseen just based on her writing.

Wife might not approve, however.

Anonymous said...

test