I went to see two bands tonight at The Corner Lounge and was having a perfectly pleasant time when an overly aggressive guy literally drove me out. He offered to buy me a drink. I said no thanks. I moved to another spot. He followed. He would not leave me alone. I finally had to leave. This irritated me. I had brought my knitting and he wanted to chat me up about what I was knitting. I moved again. I gave him every POSSIBLE signal that I wanted to be left alone and he wouldn't. It was really annoying. The only time I was left alone all night was when I was having a very nice chat with the singer for the Westside Daredevils.
Who teaches men that this is a good strategy? Who tells some guys that women who change seats, say no to a drink, etc, etc want them to keep trying? Do single men have to deal with this when they go out? Overly aggressive, don't-have-a-clue women following them all over a bar? I'll bet not.
Sheesh
9 comments:
Ultimately you just have to look him in the eye and say, firmly, "I am not interested. Please leave me alone." If you run away, change seats, leave, then the terrorists have already won! Perhaps the idiot thinks you are playing hard to get. Men do, after all, enjoy the chase. Better to be direct (esp. for particularly slooowww men like this one).
I'm not a man so I don't know for sure, but here's my theory (and come to think of it, this doesn't just apply to men):
Some people just don't know how to act in public. They just don't seem to know what's appropriate, and they don't seem to be able to pick up on body language/subtle "get lost" cues/etc.
Think back to when you were a desparate teenager. Remember feeling awkward and self-conscious and geeky? Well, some folks never grow out of that, and I suspect that's what this dude's problem was. Low self esteem and poor social skills.
Just a theory, no facts to back any of this up.
I have had a woman follow me around a party or bar when I wasn't interested. She was obviously very drunk though. It's obnoxious.
I have gone out with you before, KAG and I think one reason some people bother you is that you are sort of well known. Some people just want to talk to you because they see you on television or read your column.
In this case it would be perfectly appropriate to tell the guy to fuck off and leave you alone.
I am just terminally polite. I find it really, really hard to just say directly to someone, "Leave me alone."
I also have a hard time saying to someone, "I just don't want to go out with you...ever." Instead I always say I am busy that week or sick with laryngitis or whatever.
This is a trait I hope to avoid passing on to my daughter.
Don't pass it on by not modeling it. Big girls are the best folks to teach boundaries to little girls. Polite is not the correct response to an asshole. And if you tell a guy the truth about not wanting to date him, you will feel much better about yourself and the guy will probably have more respect for you, too. Just tell him "this isn't working out for you". "Thanks, but no thanks..."
I didn't even speak to you, so I wasn't the bad guy, but I think you looked pretty sweet sitting there knitting. I'd never seen a girl knit in a bar before.
Oh man, the men!
I think the proper grammar for this sort query is: Where did that man learn that? This man can take a hint.
Hmm. I think his behavior musta paid off at some point. Hence the rat at the lever . . . hoping for another pellet.
Or he's just a boor.
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