Sunday

There is now an anti-me website that someone has set up in response to my NYT piece today. I feel special! I wish whomever set it up would tell us who he is. Unlikely though. They never do.

By the by, despite what this person says on his site, I never, ever, ever claim to be or have claimed to be a "parenting expert" or "parenting guru." Never. Anyone who says I do or have is flatly mistaken.

I'm a mother who has written about a style of parenting that works for me and a lot of other folks.

And as for being an expert at anything else - particularly marriage -- well, I'm obviously not that. At various times during my own 13 year relationship, I was very happy and thought it was in pretty good shape. Sometimes I wrote about those times in my life, but I never implied that I knew the secrets to staying married.

But I am flattered that someone cares enough to have set up a website about me and my writing. Wow.

Thanks!

16 comments:

Dewi said...

After reading your Modern Love column in the NY Times I'm convinced it’s your ex husband or one of his conquests writing vitriol attacks towards you as anonymous. Who else would care enough about your life to waste their time setting up a bogus website or respond on the blog?

Your Modern Love article is a sad Mother’s day message for attachment parents. My dear friend who extended breastfed and practiced attachment parenting was haunted during her divorce for the way she parented. She spent 10 year in court with her rich powerful ex husband who was always too busy to be a good dad when they were married, she too had to fight alienation charges and his request for full custody. They finally went to trial and the kids won, mom got full custody. After the trial he chooses never to see the kids, it has been five years.

Happy Mother's Day!
dewi

Dewi said...

Katie, Unfortunately my friends ex husband was not a good husband, or father. They too agreed on parenting until she wanted a divorce.

Anonymous said...

Katie and Chris are both very close friends of mine -- I've known Katie for about 15 years, and I've known Chris for more than 30. Trust me, Chris isn't behind this.

Steve K.

katie allison granju said...

My children's father is a very good, attached father. He loves them like crazy and they love him.

But I believe his decision to sue me for full custody was a very bad one in more ways than I can enumerate. I think he got bad legal advice.

The custody suit damaged our relationship terribly and polarized our positions. It made me far less amenable to true 50/50 custody, which I hope will one day be where we end up. But it will take me a lot longer to get comfortable with that after being sued for full custody on grounds that I was a bad mother. It was unkind, unecessary and scarred me for life.

We are usually in agreement on how we parent and pretty much always have been -- even more so when the children were babies and toddlers and we all lived in the same house.

Nowadays, I tend to be a bit stricter and rules-focused and he's more of a sounding board for them. I hope we complement each other.

The essay in the NYT is about **my** experience of being sued for full custody. It's my own story, not anyone else's -- my ex has his own story and a right to see things the way he sees them.

We had a terrible, messy divorce that brought out the worst in both of us. I freely admit to many shortcomings and mistakes, but I stand by my point of view that it was a mistake for one of us to sue the other for full custody as a bargaining tool.

Ingrid said...

Katie,

I remembered you from The Perfect World (what a good sport you were) and saw the Modern Love column today. I googled you to find your blog, because I wanted to tell you I'm sorry about what's going on. I can't imagine how terrible it must be to have your relationship with your children questioned, even when you know it's a bargaining chip.

In your place, I doubt I could be as generous about anyone's good points while he was deliberately causing such unnecessary pain. I don't know your ex, unlike Steve, but I'd believe anything bad of someone acting against his (or her) kids' other parent.

Best of luck to you and the kids. Hopefully, your ex will realize that in attacking you, he's attacking your kids as well - and stop.

Pat said...

Dear Katie,
A friend of mine emailed me your NYTimes article. It struck a familiar chord. I am a survivor of domestic abuse, yet the past 5 years in court fighting a custody battle was far more emotionally scarring than anything else I have ever experienced. Through our legal system any person is entitled to file legal action , distort, perjure and invent grounds...over and over again. Especially if they have the money to do so, even better if they have a Princeton and Harvard degree. In my opinion the reasons for this are that they do not want to pay child support, need to have control over all decision making and most telling of all, feel that they are above the law and entitled to have their way in all matters.
If you want to read the best analysis of these men go to www.Lundybancroft.com scroll articles and click on "Profiles of Batterers in Custody and Visitation Disputes". Good luck, and as my lawyer says, the truth may take time to come out but it eventually does.
Best regards, Pat

Anonymous said...

test

katie allison granju said...

Let me add, for the record, that I do not believe that my children's father would ever set up an anonymous website to bash me or anyone else.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles. Thanks for all you've done and written to encourage us mothers out there in the thick of it. Wishing you all the very best... TiaKay

Mamalac said...

I have been inspired by you and your no-nonsense style of writing about parenting for many years. I wish you a happy belated Mother's Day, and many happy years mothering your dear children.

May God bless you as you struggle on!
Peace,
JoAnn
mama of six

Mamalac said...

I have been inspired by you and your no-nonsense style of writing about parenting for many years. I wish you a happy belated Mother's Day, and many happy years mothering your dear children.

May God bless you as you struggle on!
Peace,
JoAnn
mama of six

Anonymous said...

Your column in the NYT sounded familiar, like I lived it as a child. Stay firm in your pledge not to say anything "bad" about your children's father. Be positive when speaking about him in front of your children...I know the pain of having your parents, who were lovely people before a divorce, become angry, seething, hurtful people after divorce. Eventually the truth will confront each spouse. Children read emotions and realities better than adults think. Be loving, caring, and yourself. Forget all of the negative words from bitter, seething hurtful people. Your children love you and their father.

Rich said...

Well, katie, it seems that the old song "You're Nobody (Till Somebody Loves You) has gotten an update for the New Millenium.

Now you're nobody 'till somebody puts up a website against you.

I was somebody briefly when WarbloggerWatch featured me as a Warblogger, but then they decided it was just my haircut they didn't like, and now I'm nobody again.

Sigh.

Annie said...

You know that you are an excellent journalist when you have anti-websites. Keep up the great work

Anonymous said...

Well, Katie, what do expect? The Allisons and Andersons of Bell Buckle are complete cracked pots. It was just a matter of time before someone let the truth be revealed.

katie allison granju said...

My clan? Crackpots? Oh c'mon ...;-)