I am a mother who happens to be a writer. Or maybe I'm a writer who happens to be a mother. In any event, one of my favorite websites is one for mamawriters. It's called Mamaphonic, and it's produced by my friend Bee Lavender. It's always chock full of good stuff, but I particularly enjoyed this new interview with writer Muffy Bolding.
I can totally identify with her description of what we bookish girls like in a man...and a deity, for that matter:
"It's the overwhelming smell of books that turns me on. If a man smells like a first edition Margaret Atwood, I am his for the taking, baby. And it is always with that in mind that I step through the doors of Barnes and Noble, or any of the other Big Book ‘Borgs for that matter, and feel that first blast of sweet book breath in my face. It is in this place of bound glories and shelved rapture that I find my god – and, trust me, he ain’t in the religion section, either."
17 comments:
nah, give me a hockey player any time.
and this is why so many of their marraiges fail: they go for the girly men.
So many of whose marriages fail? Women who like books? Do we have a higher divorce rate than the general populace?
yeah, all these literary "oh so in love" with thier own brain types seem to be divorced. perhaps its because their quasi intellectualism helps them in their pursuit of the wrong type of men. the type of guy who really wants to take care of his family is probably too right wingish for them and they probably would dismiss him out of hand.
Om my God! YOu think so? Is this why I've had bad luck in love? I'm just too damn brainy? And liberal?
OK, so if I hook up with a Baptist preacher of middling intelligence, or perhaps a Republican insurance salesman whose favorite book is "Who Moved My Cheese" or "The Da Vinci Code," you're saying they'll stick? That we'll be in love forever and he'll never, ever leave me?
Where can I find one of these guys? And are they, you know, talented in the ways of love?
Katie
PS: Although I do like a guy-who-reads, I must also admit to a certain fondness for lacrosse and soccer players. They have certain, specific attributes that are quite nice.
Katie
very interesting your stereotypical image of anyone who doesnt share your leanings. maybe you should try it.
perhaps you should look at what it is you look at in men. their political leanings and sexual prowess isnt what makes the man. its character. however you prefer to joke about such things. if you found a real man you would probably emasculate him
Ummmm...you are wrong. Even a man of good character who sucks in bed is a disaster.
ah but if the man has good character and sucks in bed he would be willing to learn how not to. I really think if someone was that bad it probably was a reflection of their selfishness which would most definately be character related. and wouldnt it stink to be the woman who was ditched because he found someone who gave a better blow job?
yeah, Katie find it "amusing" when someone makes a valid point..you just sit back there and laugh at them. it sort of reminds me of someone who when confronted with absolute truth cant really think of a decent rebuttal except to insult the other persons intelligence. I have been around a lot of quasi intellectuals in my day...frankly all of the posing and mental masturbation going on so as that each can impress the other as to just exactly how smart they are in comparison to anyone who doesnt float on their little raft of life. it sort of reminds me of the woman online who is having a ton of plastic surgery so she can look like Barbie because she cant attract a man unless she does so. the rub of course is what she is looking for is just as shallow as herself so of course if she doesnt keep nipping and tucking none of these rich handsome men are interested. this sort of seems the same only its brain vs brain and also you ladies pontificating about just how good a guy has to be in the sack before he is worthy of your attention. just remember they will probably be judging you by the same standards you are judging them. hope you measure up.
Yes, it would suck to be that woman ;-)
And you're right that a man of good character would be willing to learn.
But I think maybe some of it is not teachable. Maybe. Not sure.
Katie
In the beginning of a relationship, you tell yourself that mediocre sex doesn't matter because everything else is nice.
But two or five or ten years in, the "just okay" sex begins to matter more. I agree also that some of it is simply not teachable. You cannot teach a man how to kiss better or move more deliberately or whatever. They either get it or they don't when it comes to sex.
As a 36 year old woman, I am no longer willing to deal with bad or even so-so sex.
All kinds of men are good in bed and bad in bed. I've been with very athletic men who sucked in the sack despite their great bodies and also with artsy, skinny-ass men who were great.
I would think that perhaps this could be a very shaky subject for some. because what it seems like is being justified is if the sex is just mediocre or really just ho hum after a number of years, then it would pretty much justify ditching the person for someone else perhaps better in these areas. and one might wonder if such things are being justified that if anyone would really have the right to be disturbed at all if their spouse found someone else. because maybe the problem was just them. that they were not so good in this area and their spouse being entitled to great sex, found it to be quite their right to find it somewhere else. until of course after years with that person it becomes a bit blah too. yeah, that would suck. especially if I believed that to be the way the world was really supposed to work. as opposed to "for better or for worse". and that none of us are perfect. yeah, its all in how you see things. and I like the way I see things better than the way a lot of other people see things.
I think that in Muffy's original quote, she wasn't really talking about what makes a marriage ultimately succeed or fail, but rather what kind of man she finds attractive in general -- on the front end of a relationship.
And the reason I posted the quote from Muffy is that I love the way she described her own sense of attraction to a certain kind of fella.... Good writing, not necessarily marital advice.
It's interesting for me to read this as a single man. I think we tend to fool ourselves into thinking that women don't find that much difference in the way one man or another does the deed. We like to think that women think we're all pretty good at sex and there isn't much difference between one guy and another guy.
But it sounds like this isn't really true. Now I will be paranoid.
and so you should be. we live in a culture where people are selected and discarded for the most superficial and surface of reasons. very few people look at character, at what kind of person is going to make it the long term. instead they look at the persons "image"...whichever brand of "image" appeals to them personally (I think of gangs of kids all claiming they want to be "individuals" and then, as a group, they all are "individuals" in exactly the same fashion and "rebel" en masse..yeah real "individual" they are..they are just picking the group they want to conform to and then going for it) and the persons appearance, their bank account, and then people are surprised when this person they selected for totally frivolous reasons breaks their heart. there is in fact, in todays Dear Abby this very issue addressed: a man wrote in angry that women found him "boring" in his youth and they only wanted the "bad boys" or men with money and now that the "bad boys with money and big dicks" or whatever have ditched them and broken their hearts they are now interested in nice steady kind decent human beings that they passed over ten years ago. one reader replied that even decent people get sucked into judging people by shallow standards thanks to the media which has convinced poeple that they (no matter how ordinary they themselves might be in reality) that they DESERVE someone spectacular, someoen whose image fulfills something broken in them. so this is what they look for. and so, while the hollywood set and those who fancy themselves as better than they really are pair off, reproduce, break up, break their kids hearts and repeat the cycle over and over because you know, they deserve a nice little piece of arm candy; meanwhile, those who looked at character in the first place DO live happily ever after, albeit with some ups and downs. the problem ISNT staying together for a lifetime, its whether looking for someone by hollywood standards will keep you together for a lifetime. you know, this may sound corny but its about being the right kind of person and then you will attract that. but as long as you are puffed up about your brain or your ability in bed or whatever then what you will be drawn to and what you attract will ultimately end in failure.
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