A question for Blog readers: when in your relationship and how did you know the person you ended up marrying was "the one?"
Comment below.
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I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.
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21 comments:
I knew within a week and I was right. We have been together 18 years this May.
We got married at age 20 and 21....We knew pretty soon after we started dating, but were very cautious, because of our inexperience and age. But we were right, got married 1 1/2 years later and have 16 years of marriage under our belts and counting!
When we went to a wedding and I signed both of us in under my last name. It was a total random thing. I guess that's how the subconscious works.
After a couple of months. I was 27 and he was 30. Been together 20 years.
Are you making an announcement ??? I have married after dating 5 years and after dating 7 months, neither one worked. I do think it takes great luck combined with lots of work to make a marriage last. I think that those couples who take time "getting to know" one another are less thrown by unexpected "stuff" down the road. I was engaged again two years ago and discovered some deal breakers when his sister and I talked- gambling and lying among them.
Past behavior is the best way to tell what a person will do - so give yourself time to see his past and get to know his friends and family too- see what they are like..
Oh gosh no! No announcement. Just curious about these things...
-kag
I was in a terrible relationship with an abusive jerk(emotionally at the beginning and emotionally and physically towards the end of the five years). During those five miserable years I always told him that I wanted an atlas for my birthday. He always told me how stupid that was.
When I started dating my now-husband I told him about my atlas thing and he just filed it away in his memory. A few months into our relationship I was in a car accident (my fault!) and to make me feel better about the whole thing he bought me an atlas. I knew in that instant that he was the right man for me. We've been married 5 years and I can't imagine being happier.
I second everything Mary C. said. People can't hide their dirty laundry forever. Better to find out who you're dealing with BEFORE you say "I do." Please don't rush into anything.
The question, I think, isn't as much how to know they are not the one as how to know they *are* the one.
About an hour into our first date, in the middle of dinner.
That isn't to say we rushed out and got married, nor is it to say I would have married him had something later reared its head. But I "knew" very quickly and it turned out to be right.
Married 12 years now - with a few rough spots along the way, but we've worked through them.
Immediately! He pronounced my name correctly... the first time. I have an unusual first name and he was the ONLY guy who ever took the time to listen to me say it then repeat it. However, we dated 4 years before we jumped the broom. I agree with other poster's; take the time to find out everything and really KNOW each other. It's been 18-years now and he still lights my fire! By the way, my username is not my real name.
When I realized he was the very best friend I could ever have...and because he was the antithesis of my ex-husband.
The first time I saw him, immediately when he walked into the room.
We knew each other as friends for about 10 years. Neither one of us was single at the 'right' time.
When I came back from college we dated for about 2 weeks, he asked me to marry him and we've been together for 7 years.
I knew the first night we went out. But we dated long distance for six months first, then lived apart in the same city for six months, then lived together for another five months before we decided to tie the knot.
Our marriage - now approaching ten years old - would have been just as successful if we'd run off the first night. But I'm glad we took the time to make sure.
Within the first two minutes... we moved in together after 6 months, married after 2 years, and have now been married 5 years.
i knew after our first date.
worst mistake i ever made.
marriage was horrible. got divorced 3 years later. divorce was worse than the marriage.
Funny question, especially for folks that have been married more than once...I've been married (for the second time) for a little over five years. I knew she was special the very first time she touched me - we were in a hectic meeting, and she touched me on the arm to get my attention, and I knew right then. It was as corny as it gets - Tom Hanks in "Sleepless" talking about his dead wife - "I touched her hand, and it was...magic," but I knew.
Having said that, we didn't get married for over five years after that, and it was no Yellow Brick Road to get there. And it's a logical fallacy for me to say "I knew," since that's a pretty miniscule data set (I guess I'm 50/50 on the "knowing" bit). We worked long and hard to build a relationship that worked, and went through tough times. But we knew we loved each other, and being together forever made sense.
I guess I would say that having a successful marriage is hard work, and requires friendship, commitment and (at least) a little bit of lust. But having a little help from the supernatural, or chemical, or whatever made the fireworks go off when she touched me certainly doesn't hurt.
Anyway, whatever you're thinking, slow down.
When she did her impression of Grover from Sesame Street while we were hiking in the woods. I know it sounds silly, but not only was it totally cute in a way that maybe only I would appreciate, but somehow it made me recognize that we had become close in the way that little kids get close before all their defenses and self-consciousness build up. It was like I had known her all my life and we'd spent a lot of time apart. And then sometime after that, I remember she cooked dinner at her house and we listened to Tom Waits' Closing Time CD while we ate, and we just looked at each other a lot without saying much. And that's when I knew that she knew--I could see it in her eyes.
My wife and I met eight years ago. I decided to ask her to marry me two years ago when I decided I was no longer interested in oral sex.
Started dating at 15. At 17 said I wished I'd met him when I was 25 so we could get married. Broke up and got back together a lot. Broke up for good. Got back together, at 25, and knew within weeks that we would get married. Got married two years later. Have been married 14 years.
I knew before we started dating. I was 33 (never married) and had had enough dating experience to know by the end of a first date what issues would drag down any ensuing relationship. I soldiered on, thinking "well, relationships are work, right?" Then I met my now and future sweetie, and we spent a summer orbitting each other. It was then that I knew.
The whole thing helped me remember something my godfather had shared with me when I was a teenager: "Don't marry someone unless you can't imagine *not* marrying him." With all former dates/boyfriends I easily could envision life without them, as well as perhaps a life with them (and the problems/issues that we had together). Not so my husband. We married within a year of our first date. And I still can't (or don't want to) imagine being without him.
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