endings

I've never been good with goodbyes. No matter how much I enjoy someone or love them, I'd rather just slip away without any fanfare when the party or visit is over.

My beloved grandfather will soon be leaving us. He knows this and is ready, or as ready as you can be when you would really rather not go yet. He has tremendous faith in what it will be like on the other side and looks forward to being reunited with people he's missed, particularly our little Ward, who died last year.

Anyway, he's resting at home with my grandmother, enjoying time with all his children and grand children and great grandchildren, most of whom live within a 1 mile radius. I, however, live three hours away and I feel guilty and sad that I can't be with him and my grandmother more so we can spend more of this time together.

He's been so important to me in so many ways and I wish I could explain this to him. I'm going to try, but I do hope he knows, even if we never spoke again. I was the first grandchild and, well, you know how that goes ;-) And my son Henry was the first great grandchild. When Henry was a newborn, I was hospitalized for a few days and my grandparents cared for him. He slept in the little cradle next to their bed and they got up with him and rocked him and fed him and they formed a special bond that remains to this day. I am so grateful that my children have such a close relationship with their great grandparents. I will be sad that the children Jon and I will have likely won't know my grandfather.

Goodbyes are hard.