wintering

After a week at home with me, my children are now with their father for a week and the silence in our little house is really thundering. I miss the **hell** out of them.

They had an obscenely blessed Christmas, receiving iPods and saddles and laptops and electric guitars and remote control flying saucers and just about anything else a kid could want. With Christmas in two households, plus very generous grandparents, they really get a lot for the holidays and I know they are enjoying all of it.

I find myself very, very solitary and contemplative as the New Year approaches. I'm hibernating at home a bit. My recent breakup with the first person I actually fell in love with since my divorce has really been painful but has also made me take a hard look at some important issues that require my careful attention. Not fun stuff to be honest with myself about, but necessary.

I am hoping all of this painful quiet in my life at the moment, which came on rather suddenly after a joyous spring, summer and early fall is meant to allow me space to think through this hard stuff and emerge a better mother and person as the leaves start to bud on the trees again.

I hope so.