I had another truly awful date this week. I think I am done agreeing to have dinner with friends' cousins/next door neighbors/podiatrists. I need to get comfortable saying "no thanks" when all these well meaning people try to fix me up.(I did actually have one super-entertaining date in the past week as well, so there's hope...)
The guy was doomed as far as I was concerned as soon as we got in his car, because he was listening to some horrible music like Matchbox 20 or something. Maybe it was Kenny G or Dishwalla or ...I have no idea. It put in me in a bad mood immediately.
He also had several inspirational business type books in the car -- stuff that makes me want to guffaw loudly -- stuff like "Purpose Driven Sales for Chicken Soup Lovers" or something like that.
And he wore pointy shoes.
He talked about his cat excessively.
He didn't drink alcohol.
He told me his favorite book was "The Da Vinci Code" (this particular thing is a huge pet peeve of mine...people liking that terrible book so much)
Most of what I said during the interminable two hours we were together seemed to confuse him, which was really the only fun thing about the entire experience, as far as I was concerned.
I finally told him I had a headache and needed to go home.
And now he's called me six times. I am not kidding. I don't think he knows I have a blog and I don't think he would be able to find it (I'm not cruel, after all), but that's because I gave him a fake last name. I told him that the person who hooked us up had gotten my name wrong and that it was actually *&^^%$# (can't spell the fake name out because then he might google it and find me).
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I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.
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16 comments:
So what makes a good date, in your opinion?
(I am posting anonymously even though you know who I am. And here's a hint: I am someone you turned down when I asked you out a while back. You told me you weren't dating. Apparently, you just weren't dating me.)
I am racking my brain. Who are you? Was I not nice when I said no? Now I'm feeling guilty.
What makes a good date? Good question. Ummmmmm.... let's see ...
that's hard to say. I'll have to think about it and get back to you on specifics.
I can say, however, that a good date generally involves inexplicable chemistry and I usually know within about fifteen minutes whether that's going to be there. The rest is icing.
I do know what makes a bad date, though, because I've had my fair share.
I'm just commenting to tell you that while you also know who I am, I am not the first anonymous, so that should narrow the field for you a little bit. But I too will remain anonymous simply to avoid the pain and humiliation of public rejection. I get enough of that in my day job! ;>)
However, it is comforting to know that I was not the only one who failed to make the first cut.
It just ocurred to me now that by remaining anonymous as well, I really haven't narrowed the field at all.
Ah well, such is life!
Kidding aside, keep swinging and eventually you'll connect. Just remember that for every ten turkeys you date, there's at least one nice guy you'll turn down.:>)
Hmmm...that didn't come out quite right, did it?
Katie,
You DID go out with me, twice, but then didn't return my calls. So what's up with that?
"Bob"
I think I know who you are ;-)
I'm primarily attracted to a certain kind of person. Quirky, obtuse, not too easy to figure out... I'm picky about what people wear (not all people -- just those with whom I might go out with more than once). I'm also picky about music. Bad music puts me in a bad mood which makes for a bad date.
And I never know what to say other than "not tonight" or "maybe another time" when people ask me out the first time or for a subsequent date and I don't want to go. I mean, wouldn't it be mean if I said "You know what? This just isn't gonna happen. So please don't call me again." I can't say that to people. It seems rude. But maybe it's more rude not to take someone's calls. I don't know.
I think you should tell the guy. Just tell him. Think about how much women hate it when men say they will call but never do.
Kate and I had a brief thang when we were both studying in London. I was smitten.
Now she's single agaiin but I live in Birmingham, so I have to settle for reading her blog.
(Hi Kate. Remember me? I want to know why I didn't make it into your love life round-up you wrote around Valentine Day)
Wow. Mark, as I live and breathe. E-mail me: katieallisongranju@yahoo.com
Do you mean this round-up?
Yeah, you should be in there. Definitely. I mean, how can Valentine's Day at Stonehenge be topped? With the little people dancing and all?
;-)
I think you're being too picky. Lots of nice guys listen to Matchbox 20.
I knew I shouldn't have mixed garters with Bermuda shorts and my Rex Harrison hat!
Too snazzy for ya, right?*grin*
Or was it the Frankie Yankovic Polka I was playing on the 8-track?
I mean, I know I've got quirky and obtuse nailed (boy, do I have obtuse nailed!)so it had to be the music or the clothes!
Just a few comments before I vanish back into obscurity again.
I agree with Miles; a direct rejection is much easier to deal with. Now, you should be considerate and not go overboard.
"You are a loser and no women with more than three brain cells would consider going out with you in a million years,"
That's a tad harsh and might be taken the wrong way. Save it for the truly persistent fellows who think a temporary restraining order is simply you playing hard to get.
A simple, "I'm sorry but I'm not really interested in going out with you," or "You're just not my type" works wonderfully. Yeah, it still sucks to hear, but at least you have no illusions. Don't try and soften the blow with a "not right now; maybe later" or "I'm dating someone else" or something like that, because men are very optimistic (sounds so much better than bull headed, doesn't it?), and will continue to try to gain your favor if they have even a smidgen of hope, no matter how delusional, that you might go out with them.
Straightforward honesty is usually kinder than well meaning evasion.
Second, it appears that you have no lack of beaux, (I'm feeling particularly southern tonight. Can you tell?) which is a very good thing. Isn't it ironic, though, that you appear to be on your way to becoming a progressive Scarlett O'Hara? (Now there's an idea for a novel....A new Southern heroine for the New South!*grin*)
And now, I'm out of here again, walking off into the foggy night while some guy follows me whistling the theme from "The High and the Mighty."
It's very annoying when he does that, but what can you do?
>>it appears that you have no lack >>of beaux,
Oh, that.
That's just because I have a bad reputation.
Katie
Okay, so here's a question. If someone asks you, or any woman out, and you say no, should they ever try again? Does no always mean never? Or sometimes is it that you are actually busy that night and can't do it?
If I say "no" with no follow-up thing like, "but how about next week?" or "I'll be available Saturday, not Friday," then I generally mean no as in "never."
I'm super busy for real --job, freelancing, mothering, horses, etc -- so a lot of times, I am not lying when I say I am too busy for a certain day or whatever.
Can't speak for other women on this... Maybe I'll invite some pals to chime in...
I only give a woman one chance. If she says no once, I never ask again. In my experience, if they don't feel motivated to work out a way to see you when you ask them out, they just aren't that into you and you should drop it/her.
Bro, that's stupid.
I once made a woman a beautiful meal which she seemed to enjoy & we kissed a little at the dinner table (too bad I didn't have a couch!), so I thought that things were going well enough that I'd see her again. When I talked to her again I got the "I'm seeing someone else" line, my response was, "that's great, so am I." I didn't have time to talk to her more at that instant, because I was meeting Kate for what turned out to be our first date. I didn't really think that it was a date, we were just meeting for a beer. But I'm told it was a date. But I digress.
Anyway, I sent the woman an email saying that we could just be friends or whatever, but I never heard from her again. Aparently "I'm seeing someone else" really meant "I don't want to see you again."
My dating consultant says never to attempt contact more than once without a response. If you call and leave a message and they don't respond, that's it.
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