So now that I'm gettin' hitched, I'm collecting marital advice.
I already know a few things about marriage - having previously been married for more than a decade. There are some things that worked well about my first marriage and there are some things I will do quite differently this time. I made some mistakes I won't repeat.
But my question for you, gentle reader, is this: what are the keys to a satisfying marriage? Why do some marriages last and provide emotional strength and sustenance for both parties, while others fail or end up a sad trap people can't seem to get out of?
As a bride-to-be, I want your marital advice, the best you got.
Let's hear it ;-)
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.
About Me
Blogs I Like to Read
- Amy's Very Cool Homeschooling Family
- Ann Douglas
- Blogging Baby
- David Rhoden
- Domestic Psychology
- First Impressionist
- Jonathan Hickman
- Lemuria Books
- Mamas Ink
- Marrit Ingman
- Martini Made
- Meagan Francis
- Mo's Journal
- Remembering Ward
- Suburban Turmoil
- The Vol Abroad
- This Woman's Work
- Women's Health News
- Zygote Daddy
Good Stuff on Being a Parent/Family Life
Books I"ve written/contributed to
Blog Archive
-
▼
2006
(1052)
-
▼
July
(92)
- elliot and the dentist
- packing for the beach
- dike newlin, RIP
- diapering the bum
- the house!
- yay betsy b.!!!
- jon and his niece afton
- my house in urban renewal
- helen helps jane collect firewood
- my babygirl and me
- wedding dresses
- andrea yates
- kate hearts jon
- elliot plays croquet with jon's father
- another
- I am having a very bizarre day - not altogether pl...
- a request
- myspace.com/marines
- henry, summer '06
- have you some hoff
- Jane and Sydney - Summer '06
- jane and sydney - summer '06
- jane - summer '06
- good friends
- jon
- dog stuff
- leaving comments
- nancy grace is a tool
- my house, again
- slave to target
- when fake boobs go south
- be my neighbor!
- baby kellen
- tori spelling in a family way
- 38
- marital advice
- new hipmama stuff
- yummy
- invisible fence?
- real women's bodies
- angry mother
- nicholas, helen, jones and anna
- anna rests with her new baby brother, nicholas
- cheating
- overwhelming
- newbaby
- poverty
- new baby today!
- climate crybabies
- Bill is home! Hooray!!!!!!
- henry, elliot and max
- the new book
- voila!
- happy
- your daily dose of hasselhoff
- affordable, historic house for sale near downtown ...
- halloween costumes
- buying a new house and selling the old one are...
- new photo of jane and cinco at tryon horse show la...
- I really love this photo of Jane
- we got the house!
- suri's cruise's birth certificate
- barrel of monkeys
- new house
- Jane, age 10 - July - 2006
- elliot makes pancakes
- plighting troth
- i ...must...own....this...t-shirt!
- jonathan adair hickman
- locket's baby!
- "the web's largest database of cheaters and adulte...
- SexyBack
- doulas
- my wedding
- dressing down
- grammarians vs. the shelbyville times-gazette
- and the happy news is...
- happy & exciting
- fat people are not jolly
- elliot and uncle robert get ready to run after lig...
- helen and aunt katie
- cousins
- my two favorite pregnant women
- helen will have a new baby brother or sister in th...
- anna with her marshmallow
- robert and mama - july 4 weekend in bell buckle
- sunflowers at night
- cousins roast marshmalllows
- cousins roast marshmalllows
- 10:30 pm - July 2, 2006
- 10:30 pm - July 2, 2006
- :-(
-
▼
July
(92)
11 comments:
My dearest love and I have only been married for a bit over 5 years, so if you're willing to take advice from a marriage newbie (so to speak), here's what I have to offer:
Both parties need to communicate with each other and both parties need to really listen to the other. Neither person is always right and it's worth more to be happy than to be right. When a disagreement comes up, remember that this is the person that you love more than anyone else on Earth.
Good luck!
I married disastrously the first time, and it lasted 8 years, which was 7 years longer than it should have. This time around, I've been married 13 years. I think marital success all boils down to these points:
1. Marry your best friend.
2. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
I'm with my husband for 26 years.
Learn how to argue constructively, never be mean, hurtful, or deceitful!
Like each other company and spend time with one another.
Have an unwavering moral compass; expect that from your husband.
There is ebb and flow to all relationships, don't bale because it gets complicated or hard. Hang in there during the difficult times; learn how to turn to each other, not away from one another when you have a problem. Most problems are temporary; seek help from a counselor if you cannot figure it out!
Breastfeed your children until they go to school and have them sleep in your bed!
;-)
Pick your battles. Granted, don't be afraid to express yourself and communicate constructively, but you know, some things just aren't worth fighting over.
Always ask yourself, just as you start to get angry, "is this going to matter to me in five years? Five months? Five days? Five minutes?" It really does help in providing perspective, especially if you are a hothead like me who wants to live her life according to the teaching of The Buddha. Of course, this is helpful in dealing with anyone in life, not just your spouse.
Never criticize your spouse to anyone else, not even your mother. In my case, especially not my mother. If you have an issue with him, you deal with him, not the neighborhood. It's very rarely if ever a good idea to let other needles interfere with your knitting.
Always choose peace and forgiveness over anger and being "right." What good does being "right" do you when you have to make your spouse miserable in the process? You're a good person...your ego can take it.
Never lose sight of the fact that something that neither one of your may actually remember can have a lasting, permanent effect on your relationship. Just the smallest, most flippant of comments can do its damage. Hardly worth it.
Your marriage comes first...everything else can wait.
Your spouse has habits that you find annoying. They are immutable. You must remember that they are part of why you love him.
You have habits that are annoying. You must acknowledge that though they are part of why he loves you, they are annoying.
Every morning remind yourself you're in love, especially when you don't feel like it.
In a nutshell, commitment. If both of you are determined to work things out, no matter what, you'll find a way (notice I do say both of you!). The priest who married us 17 years ago put it another way in the homily he gave at our wedding: "Never ask whether [to stay married]; only ask how."
I'm also a big believer in preventive maintenance in the form of marriage counseling. Everyone can use a little help--best not to wait until you are on the verge of divorce to seek it.
My husband's standard advice is that marriage is like a job, and that it is hard work, but that you get out of it what you put into it.
Good Luck.
The best thing I can tell you was told to me by my grandmother who was married 55 years before she died. "The man is the head of the household...but the woman is the neck. And the neck controls the head"
My advice:
1. Don't sweat the small stuff
2.Agree on money issues
My husband is a neat freak; he is probably OCD. When he stresses he becomes unbearable! He re-cleans things that I just cleaned. So I made a decision long ago to let that be his problem, if it bothers him let him take care of it. I can always tell when he is in one of those moods, and I go to the barn or out with friends! Learn to LET IT GO. And have lots of wild sex!
Laura is dead-on. I ask myself a slightly different question, but it's the same thing: "If I say X, what will it accomplish?" The answer always indicates that I should keep my mouth shut.
I believe very much in open communication. I'm talking about snide remarks, gripes, nags, criticism, and told-you-so's. These ONLY make things worse, and even when I think at least *I'll* feel better, I don't.
I'm seven years very happily married, and I still have to actually stop and ask myself "the question" all the time. My mom never met a complaint she wouldn't voice or criticism she wouldn't lob, and sadly, my instinctive reaction is often the same.
I zip my lip with the comfort of knowing that I won't lock up real feelings, just bad word choice. Most of the time there's no underlying issue there to talk about anyway; I'm just momentarily annoyed.
Oh, and men like sex. (I'm serious! It's easy to forget if, like me, you don't care quite so much.)
You have to talk and listen (we do), and it's great to be best friends (we are), but sex just really makes men happy in a way that other things don't. It's basically like giving your husband a present, especially when you don't really feel like it.
Looks nice! Awesome content. Good job guys.
»
Post a Comment