Monday

sadness

Thanks, all, for the kind words and warm wishes.

I tried going to work today but felt rather spacey and very exhausted, so I came home. I have an awesome boss who knows what's going on, so he encouraged me to leave. I do hope to be up and running tomorrow, although I am afraid the full emotional impact of this loss is only starting to hit me now.

Some more of my labwork came back today and it turns out I have a rather nasty e.coli infection that was apparently asymptomatic for me. The midwife said she couldn't believe I wasn't laid out flat with the "raging" infection the labwork turned up. So now I am on antibiotics. I feel like I am falling apart physically, even though I am generally a super healthy person.

This morning I woke up hoping the miscarriage had just been a bad dream. Then I realized it hadn't and it felt like a heavy weight descended on my chest for the day.

Everyone tells me - and they are right - that with the right medical follow-up, I will likely have a healthy baby by next year sometime. There are some clues as to what caused this and that means we can fix the problem. And of course, I already have three amazing children, so I am lucky and blessed, but this loss has still hit me hard. We were so excited about this baby, this time.

And I'd like to add that I have the most thoughtful and dear husband and family on the planet. I really don't deserve all the wonderful people I have in my life. I'm blessed that way, too.

9 comments:

Laura Linger said...

Number One, you DO deserve wonderful people and good things.

Number Two, I have had a bacterial infection lying dormant in my body since April. I came down with food poisoning in Las Vegas and the contagion has never quite left me. Every now and then, I get flu-like symptoms, but other than that, you would never know.

Number Three, give yourself the time you need to grieve. That is such a cliche, I know, but you and jon and your family have suffered a terrible loss. It's okay to take several steps back from your life while you try to deal with all of the feelings.

Please do take care, and you are in my thoughts.

Suzette said...

Katie you must give yourself time to grieve. This will not go away for a lifetime, but it will get better. I know there is a baby out there with yours and JAH's names on it.Take care of yourself and take some time for your body to recover.

Laura said...

i am so sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

I can't wait to get to the age where I can talk unabashedly about my enlarged prostate.

emily smith said...

Katie, I'm so sad for you and Jon and am thinking about you both. Things will get better.

mary c said...

Katie

I am so sorry and I will be praying for you all. I know first hand how wonderfull your family is and you certainly deserve them -as they do you.

karrie said...

I hope you're able to take a few days off to rest and grieve.

Your husband Jon seems like such a nice guy-- he has a very kind and intelligent look about him in the photos you have shared on this site.

newscoma said...

I hate that this happened to you and your husband. I've never been able to have children and for some reason it cheers me up to no end to read about wonderful healthy families such as yours.
I was with my sister when she had a miscarriage a few years ago. She was devastated but about six months later, the stork showed back up and now we have my beautiful niece Charley.
I wish you well and know that there are people that don't even know you that you inspire.

Anonymous said...

Its helpful for me to think of situations such as miscarriages and abortions as times when the baby's spirit decides to come in at a later time. I think you will "know" this particular child, but just later.