blue

My children's father has been on his honeymon, so I got to have the kids lots extra the past 10 days. Needless to say, I enjoyed this a lot.

But tomorrow they will go back to his house for their regular, every other week 4 nights away. I think having them home so much more is making me feel extra sad about missing them this weekend.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: while divorce is sometimes the best of bad options, it's hell. Being away from my children as much as I am is very difficult, even four years after starting (and yes, I am aware their father misses them when he's not with them, too).

And this month is a bit sad for me anyway, my grandfather is dying. He's at home, receiving hospice care and my whole, large family is pitching in to help run the household and be with my grandmother during this final period. He's 88 and dying at home, surrounded by people he's raised, who love him. It's a good way to go, but I will miss him. And it's hard to see him hurting and worry about my grandmother.

Plus, this month would have been MY COUSIN WARD'S 4th birthday. I remember HOW CUTE HE LOOKED, Halloween before last, dressed as a baby bat. I am in awe of his parents and how well they have dealt with their loss, but I hurt for them and his brothers, and for our whole family as his birthday approaches.