single mama stuff

So I've met & am seeing someone I like a good deal. He's pretty great. It's been quite an unexpected surprise for any number of reasons, but there it is. It's sweet.

I've been very wary of introducing anyone to my children since I started dating (silly word) again and mostly, I haven't. My kids' father seems much more okay with having his girlfriends around the kids often and early (and that seems to work fine for all concerned. really. just seems not right for me). I did let one person meet the kids and spend a little bit of time with the four of us as a family, but I now think that was too early because my kids seemed a bit confused by where he went when things between us cooled.

I have another person I've seen a good bit over the past year who has literally NEVER met my children and doesn't seem inclined to. It just doesn't seem to be something that's ever going to be part of our relationship. Then a third person I saw for a bit last winter quickly morphed into a good, close, platonic friend whom I love having around the kids because it's not a romantic relationship at all. The kids like him, too.

But anyway, so here's this guy I am seeing and really, really like and it's hard to suss out when and how to have the whole "meet the children" thing happen. On the one hand, there's no hurry whatsoever. On the other hand, no one can actually get to know me in any real, meaningful way unless they know me as a mother (I mean, I am myself aside from being a mother, but that's a huge, huge part of who I am). And you can't have any idea what my life is actually like unless you spend time around me with my children and the four of us as a family. So if someone gets to know me over a period of months without ever seeing me with my children, they may not have a clear sense of the person they are dating and the whole thing could go terribly awry once that element was introduced into the relationship. It could be very jarring. Life with three children is very, very different from life as a single guy with no children.

Also, if you have three children and you never allow the person you are dating around them at all, it means you can essentially only see that person every other weekend, which isn't awfully conducive for getting to know someone or developing a relationship beyond the occasional movie or something.

It's not an easy thing to figure out. I'll let you know if I ever do :-)