A friend e-mailed me this this morning. She says it's a trend: women "dating down".
A few choice snippets:
"For Ms. Sullivan, dating down, while appealing, has its limits. She referred to her own relationship history, with a series of starving-artist types. “For me, it was almost an escape,” she said. “I could leave the office after a stressful week on Friday and relax with one of those guys, bumming around drinking margaritas at Tres Aztecas, listening to him drone on about the one time his band played CBGB’s or whatever, and basking in his no-pressure lifestyle. It was like a little glimpse down the path not taken or something. Of course, eventually this always became entirely maddening and ended in a screaming ‘Why don’t you grow the fuck up?’ fight.”
“Sometimes, dating down is like waking up and looking in the mirror on a bad-hair day,” mused Allyson, the married high-school teacher. “You know you can do better, but you’re just too lazy to try.”
“I think a lot of women who end up dating down, so to speak, are tired of it and don’t want to deal anymore,” Ms. Coen said.
But those women who snuggle up happily at night to their dog-walker stay-at-home honeys? They should be celebrated—not vilified.
“Frankly, a lot of it is superficial crap that has nothing to do with the guy being less of a quality person than the woman,” said Sloane Crosley, publicity manager for Vintage Books and a voluble cheerleader for dating without boundaries. “Most women I know can look past a 32-year-old guy with a massive amount of credit-card debt, bad clothes, a shit job and three roommates in Hoboken—if he makes her laugh.”
While calling this a "trend" seems a bit contrived, I can relate to some of this, since I do have a tendency to date folks who are more creative but often less gainfully employed than I am.
But really, I would be A-OK with a guy who didn't have a job or much of a job if he handled things on the domestic front - things I am not great at or don't have time for because I'm busy working...
What do you think?
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.
About Me
Blogs I Like to Read
- Amy's Very Cool Homeschooling Family
- Ann Douglas
- Blogging Baby
- David Rhoden
- Domestic Psychology
- First Impressionist
- Jonathan Hickman
- Lemuria Books
- Mamas Ink
- Marrit Ingman
- Martini Made
- Meagan Francis
- Mo's Journal
- Remembering Ward
- Suburban Turmoil
- The Vol Abroad
- This Woman's Work
- Women's Health News
- Zygote Daddy
Good Stuff on Being a Parent/Family Life
Books I"ve written/contributed to
Blog Archive
-
▼
2005
(844)
-
▼
November
(62)
- republicans before lee atwater
- poem of the day
- creative people have more sex...
- early weaning in sub-sharan africa
- listening to today...
- elliot reads
- ouch
- celiac disease
- when the glass ceiling is at home
- parenting
- "AA - America's Stealth Religion"
- gay priests
- "I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way...
- for the girls
- mamasink
- Thanks Giving
- breastfeeding has significant impact on your risk ...
- breastfeeding isn't a lifestyle choice; it's a cri...
- Tennessee Valley Hunt
- Walk the Line
- the morning after pill
- Les raisons d'etre
- quote o' the afternoon
- the turkey baster
- i hope my obit is half as interesting...
- shopgirl
- Tim Lee Band
- dating down?
- when children attack
- the state of feminism today
- listening to today ...
- decisions, decisions
- baseball in knoxville?
- vanity
- breast and bottle
- are you self actualized?
- sondre lerche
- Last night, after getting RG sufficiently well fed...
- weisstronauts
- Speaking of breeders (below), you should buy this ...
- metrospirituality
- tilting at windmills
- makes elliot happy
- new pornographers
- so very, very wrong
- And today it's...
- Listening to today...
- sylvia
- a rant
- loss
- Currently listening to...
- home
- I'm a huge Johnny Cash fan and can't wait to see W...
- greek for me
- Here's an article about the surge in planned c-sec...
- Janeane Garafolo on Karl Rove:"The only interestin...
- interiors
- irony isn't pretty
- meet the breeders
- It's a Boy: Women Writers on Raising Sons
- NanoWriMo
- the halloween squash
-
▼
November
(62)
22 comments:
It's all about someone in a relationship pulling his weight. He can do that by earning money or in other ways. The problems arise when one person isn't doing their share in any way at all.
I am happily coupled up with a guy who works in a record store. And I'm a lawyer. It works great and I love him.
I'm coupled with a guy who has less education, less of a job, and less money than me. This in itself isn't a problem. However, he doesn't share my need to grow and improve, to get further education, etc. He just doesn't see the value in it, and I feel that he tries to sabotage my efforts to advance. I feel held back by him, and I can see the day coming when I'll have to choose between him and the small world I feel confined in.
Shame on all of you!
I think it is condecending to even say that you are "dating down". In my opinion, we are all the same. Just because someone has less education or a job that pays less does not mean that they are less of a person. Everybody is somebody!
I have a degree from U.T.(1983) and a government job that does not pay very much, does that that make me less of a person? I am happy!
My grandfather never went to high school, but he was the smartest man I have ever known. When he passed away, he left me five houses, a 100 acre farm and the sense to realize that education or status is not as important as "common sense", which I prefer to call "uncommon sense" because it is not that common anymore. What I learned from him has become more valuable than anything I was taught at U.T.
I do not care if a woman has a degree or a high paying job. If she is happy with who she is, she gets my respect.
I'm not really sure anyone is disagreeing with you there. And being a farmer is about the coolest occupation there is, in my opinion. I've been trying to get a farmer interested in me for years, with no success ;-)
Katie
So, were you married to your grandfather?
Romantic relationships are different from other relationships.
The discussion isn't about whether someone with less education, money, etc. is less important or less of a person. Study after study has found that people of the same socioeconomic group (and often ethnic, cultural, or religious group) have more compatible marriages. I think that what Katie is asking is, when you date outside of your "group," does it work? For some yes, for others no.
I have a dear uncle who is much like your grandfather, and I enjoy spending time with him and think he's great. However, if I were younger and not his niece, I couldn't see myself in a romantic relationship with him. His outlook on life and his world are very different from mine. Our experiences and the people we spend time with are very different.
I once had a woman tell me that I was always 4 steps ahead of her. I took it to mean that she somehow felt out-smarted by me, which was odd, since she seems pretty smart to me.
I think that both people need to have similar intelligence/curiosity. Education is correlated, but not tied to intelligence. I know two Ph.D.s married to guys who don't (or didn't) have BS's. They're really smart, though. They read and think and do cool stuff. I met a guy who makes guitars; I don't know if he's finished high school, but he's brilliant. Both of these men have blue-collar jobs. One tried something more white-collar for a while, but it was less satisfying, and more importantly, less lucrative than being an electrician. These are both good couples.
Now, don't get me started on people who have Ph.D.s and aren't smart.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0471714399/102-9848123-8527349?v=glance&n=283155&v=glance>"Limbo" is an interesting book on a related topic - people who move out of their original social class, and the problems this can pose. Relationships is just one of these areas. A big part of the issue re: dating down, up, or sideways is insecurity on the part of either person.
Katie,
I don't know you personally,but you come off as a selfish,arrogant bitch.You would date a loser if he handled things on the domestic front,because you're "too busy working,and you're not good at it".
And you have WHAT to offer?!?
Yes,we all know what great father figures losers are!
God, you are shallow
Gee. That's harsh.
Who said anything about "a loser"?
Basically, what I was saying is that I think that it can be a really good thing for one person in a relationship to have more time for stuff on the home front if the other is really busy with earning money.
Is this really that selfish and shallow?
As for what I have to offer, well, I freely admit it isn't my housewifery skills...
Anonymous, you are an ass.
KAG has much to offer and if she were more prone to bragging, she would talk about it in her blog. Instead she talks about the things she doesn't do well.
Having been her friend for several years, I can tell you that she's good at lots of things. She's a great mother, absolutely hilarious, very generous with her time and money and affections, very loyal to her friends and family, a great writer, and the first person I would want to be stuck in an elevator with because she's so entertaining to listen to.
judgemental Dewi strikes again. I cannot imagine being in a relationship with such an uptight prig.
Um, I don't know Dewi, so I've got no dog in this fight, but I can't see how she's being judgmental. Looked in the mirror lately?
oh come on...you can just see the nose in the air as she says about them "valuing knowledge" and "direction" etc etc etc. and I can just see her evaluating whether someones "direction" is up to her standards. I have met countless people who think that they are not snobs because they are not looking at money per se but they are about as snobby as it gets. its just all about the intellectual snobbery. the whole intelligentsia bowl of crap.
so I dont get how the "rest of the world works" eh Dewi? because I have been around the intellectual elite and found them to be woefully lacking? because I see through your smugness? maybe you are the one who is painfully out of step with people who are outside of your snobbish artsy circles. not everyone is like you (fortunately)
and why does some one have to always be pursuing "knowledge"...too much knowledge puffs one up (and you my dear are exhibit A). "knowledge" is NOT the same thing as wisdom..no not at all. and you and your ilk are PAINFULLY lacking in wisdom.
Bitter anonymous, you have a BIG TIME problem. Maybe you should use the time you spend spitting venom on this blog in therapy. If you don't deal with your anger issues soon, we're going to read about you shooting up a mall or a school someday.
oh yeah right. you have me TOTALLY wrong Dedanann. you are the one who sounds rather bitter from your various comments but I dont think that even you would go shoot up a mall. the people who do that are usually not expressing what they are thinking and feeling. they are usually the people that were extremely compliant and no one can believe that this "nice person" flipped a cog.
just because someone finds liberal intelligentsia totally reprehensible doesnt mean they are going to go out and commit a crime so why dont you just go suck an egg or something????
Oooh, suck an egg, now that's original! LOL! Maybe you should hang around with the intelligentsia you despise so much...maybe a little creativity (as well as tolerance and openmindedness) would rub off on you.
What'sa matter, did the smart and popular kids in high school make fun of you? They wouldn't give you the test answers or help you with your homework or what? Is that where you got your super-sized chip on your shoulder?
I think that you mistake honesty and being open and truthful about your feelings with bitterness and, apparently in Dewi's case, with being judgmental. I guess that's a problem for you, since the only emotions you seem capable of are anger and envy. Go get some help. Or start your own blog so we can visit and examine your pathetic, constipated life.
Second thought, don't bother. Who wants to be depressed every day?
oh please. ENVY??? you have GOT to be kidding. DEWI? please. no the popular kids didnt "not let me cheat". believe it or not I graduated with honors. if there was a lot of cheating going down (there wasnt as far as I know)I would have been the one they wanted to cheat off of, not the other way around.I just find liberal scum like Dewi to be a reprehensible pox on society. I have an unbelievably high IQ and as such found myself around a lot of "intelligentsia". I suppose I qualified but didnt have the same outlook on life that they did. they made me sick. a fair amount was the superiority they felt towards just everyday folk. the appalling lack of common sense another thing. a lot of my thoughts about this come from having been up close and personal with these people. not because I secretly envied them. but that was a real nice try on your part to go for the cliche answer. but wrong wrong wrong. sorry to burst your bubble.
as far as the "suck an egg" that was all I could think of that wanst obscene. I didnt want to bring out the censor in Katie and cause her to have to violate her free speech sensibilities (its amazing how fast liberals turn tail when censorship suits them: the same people that will fight for the right to circulate thge vilest pornography as "free speech" suddenly get pretty uptight when someone wants to talk about the ten commandments in public. can we say "selective" boys and girls???)and yeah, I do detect a ton of elitism with her, Katie and all these other "intelligent' liberals.
speaking of "intelligent" what is so intelligent about someone who can babble on and on analyzing crap that doesnt matter at all yet cant even cook dinner for her family and is also apparently too dumb to realize that putting all the personal info on the web is like an engraved invitation to a pedophile? doesnt sound too smart to me. sounds like someone whose head is so far up their butt because they did well in school (which everyone knows doesnt neccessarily correlate AT ALL into success in life) that they have no brain space left for common sense.
As for Katie being "more prone to bragging"--isn't it interesting how her web site begins with "about ME.."
"some of MY writing.."
"MY literary agent.."
Sounds like bragging to me!!
Like I said Katie--you come off as an arrogant bitch
she does, doesnt she. and she uses her children to forward her own agenda.
One problem with comments on Blogs and BLabs is they many times get off topic by name calling and arguing.
Having been married only once and for many years, probably longer they most on this blog have been alive, I could not imagine categorizing an individual I find attractive to live my entire life with, i.e. till death do us part.
However, if I was not thinking long term, sure, date down, up, all around. To me it is critical for a long term relationship to include friendship. Growth by both parties is essential, however who can predict two individuals will both grow and still stay together?
Post a Comment