This is an interesting essay from a woman who says she feels embarrassed bottle-feeding in public.
I'm sorry she feels this way, and really, she shouldn't, but things must be really different where she lives because in most places in the U.S., bottle-feeding is the norm and breastfeeding in public is rare. There are exceptions (well educated white women in the Pacific Northwest, for example, have a relatively high rate of breastfeeding), but here in Knoxville, TN, bottles far outnumber breasts in public spaces.
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I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.
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14 comments:
I live in eastern NC and I can attest that it is still seen as taboo to breastfeed in public. My OB-GYN would not even allow me to breastfeed my 6 week old daughter in the waiting room! When I looked up in surprise I was informed that although they promoted breastfeeding, they did not want to upset the other mom's to be. I was also the first person EVER in my company that has been around since 1960 to pump at work. Since I am not from here they attributed my "weirdness" to that. I now have gone on to breastfeed and pump for all three of my children. Since then more woman have decided to breastfeed and are able to pump at work. YEAH!
I think the woman in the article is highly educated and living in a very urban setting - otherwise she wouldn't be getting the "breast is best" message. It is a pity that everywhere in the developed, western world, breastfeeding is only for educated, slightly "alternative" mothers. In my country (Portugal)the vast majority of women stop breastfeeding after the first 3 or 4 weeks, out of poor advice. And if they do so with their first, their subsequent children have an even higher rate of not being breastfed. Why this, when the country (and the mothers) are on the poor side of the developed world, the hospitals are supposed to follow WHO guidelines and pediatricians and ob-gyns are there to help with a woman's (and baby's) choices?
I've never understood that-I've read mothering books and articles which all complain about breastfeeding propaganda and how society makes you feel like a bad mother for not breastfeeding and I wonder if they live on the same planet? Bottles are for babies-they're everywhere. But women just whipping breasts out and exposing nipples in Starbucks?? Does that really happen? Most people seem to think breasts were created for men and should be kept hidden if they're used for their natural purpose. No one has any business trying to make someone feel inferior, either way; that is wrong. And I agree that a lot of the blame for breastfeeding problems goes to medical professionals or really to the lack of proper training they receive. Another issue here I don't understand-why the big deal about worrying about weight gain? I know women who've meticulously recorded every diaper for months...with beautiful healthy babies. Breastfed babies naturally lose some weight after birth and then regain it. That's how it's supposed to work. People go crazy worrying over a baby's weight. Obviously if there's a big weight loss or the child is not healthy, then it's an issue. But we are not created insufficiently, our bodies are meant to work! Women have so little confidence in themselves! It's not always easy at first, but the overwhelming majority of women can easily make enough milk for several babies.
um, well, I can tell you that twelve years ago I lived in Massachusetts and had some bitch going through my shopping cart and asking me "why I wasnt breastfeeding" and yadda yadda yadda. I NEVER have seen anyone castigated for breastfeeding. but I sure have seen people interrogated until they produce what the questioner feels is a satisfactory reason for using infant formula.
I think while you are concerned about parenting minutiae which matter little you would be wise to pay attention to something which matters a lot. take heed and adjust your site accordingly. esp note the comment about not giving out personal info.
oEven if you don't see the video, here are some of the tips Wasden
shares with concerned parents and grandparents: 1. Discourage teens
from spending any time in chat rooms. These are dangerous places, no
matter what your children think or say.
2. Know what your kids are doing online; which sites they visit and the
different e-mail addresses they use.
3. Don't put a computer with Internet access in a bedroom or other
secluded place. Keep it in a high-traffic area.
4. Tell your children never, ever to give out their name, address,
phone number, school name, the sports or activities they're involved
in, or pictures of themselves. Predators have become expert at using
even tiny clues to zero in on young victims.
5. Insist that your children tell you immediately if they receive
offensive materials online. Then don't hesitate to contact police or
the sheriff's office.
I too find the author's experience a little suspect. At the least extraordinary. But the sentiment of having a sign struck me. When bottle-feeding my son in public, I often wish I had a sign that says, "I can't breastfeed or I would. I had a breast reduction ten years ago and yes, it was foolish but I didn't care then and there's not one damn thing I can do about it now."
yeah, I guess all the back pain you must have had was just foolish. while women get implants for very vain reasons most of the women I have known who got reductions had extremely practical reasons for getting them. such as back pain or one woman I knew who had inch deep trenches in her shoulders from the weight of her breasts pulling on her bra straps. yeah, I guess she should have endured that till she was past child bearing age so that she could give her kids the magic titty.
I think that just like with the "dont confuse us with the facts" attitude of cosleepers and non vaccinaters (who pretty much see conspiracy theories as the reasoning behind anything that contradicts their opinions) any time someone writes something that contradicts the lactivist mindset must be suspect. anything but the obvious and that is that maybe they have a point.
I know exactly what the woman is talking about. and I dont think its just about self esteem. it takes an EXTREMELY confident mother to not get sucked into measureing themselves up to other peoples standards. and as far as I can see the attachment parenting crowd is one of the worst for setting artificial standards for "mothering". The fact even that they have this whole title that they like worship for what is a very complex relationship with another human being says it all. (note that most of them dont say "wifing"....thats because with "mothering" types hubby usually gets the short end of the stick..)
so uh, if even you, who presumably had high self esteem felt taht you must have been prepared with an answer for all those eagle eyed lactivists ready to skewer you for "just not caring enough" can you imagine how someone who isnt blessed wiht such a stellar self image must feel? someone whose own parents maybe werent that great so they are a bit unsure of themselves and this early on in the game they have failed to do something deemed so really important? really I am not so sure that this ultra mother image is really a whole lot different from other sectors of the media telling women they must be thin and beautiful. its always about perfection. or at least perfection as defined by what the definer has decided is non negotiable.
and as far as Jenny goes, lets just plug in another issue. lets take the moderately overweight (I am not saying truly obese because no one gets to weigh three hundred pounds without a very serious food addiction) so lets take someone who is oh, say ten or twenty pounds above what playboy thinks she should be. now say this woman is confident and doesnt care and has attracted a lot of people including men who appreciate her for her. now lets say that this woman then goes on to deny that girls who get eating disorders are reacting, in part to societies messages of unattainable perfection simply because it doesnt apply to her(yes I know that more goes into it than society because obviously some girls resist those messages and some internalize them very very complex). because this woman is confident and has the tools to see the societal message about weight for the lie that it is does that negate the fact taht that message exists and can just cripple someone with issues in that area? or does that mean that she can pretty much turn around and emotionally backhand the person who is affected by those messages and not in a place of being able to shrug them off? no, of course not. but because Jenny doesnt feel that pressure (*though I think she is in denial of that or she would not have felt like she wanted to wear a sign, she would have not cared about offering a reason to others) doesnt mean that it does not exist. it simply means that like a woman who is able to shrug off societal messages about size that she, for whatever reason, is emotionally immune to them. good for her but dont use it to deny what goes on. many many people have noticed and written articles on this because they have felt this pressure. whether they feel insecure about it is immaterial, it exists. probably someone who is secure isnt going to bother writing an article though, they might comment to a friend and then they have better ways of spending their time. maybe at one point everything was anti breastfeeding but I think it has flip flopped. at least among relatively educated women unless you have a real good reason everyone is going to want to know why you arent nursing. and even then someone will probably offer up a story of how someone else overcame a similiar obstacle and give you a look wondering why you didnt do likewise. and heaven help the woman who tells her OB that she plans on bottlefeeding and refuses all the breastfeeding literature and classes offered to her.
news flash to sajmom: breasts ARE in part for men. husbands are entitled to enjoy them. just like vaginas they are dual purpose. in part, because vaginas are private, is why people dont put their birth pictures up in a big chrome frame on the wall next to babys first visit with Santa. ditto on nipples. get a clue.when I read about the whole bottle thing and all I think they must be on a different planet. sure every so often I see a baby with a bottle and figure something must have happened or they are adopted or something. and yeah, you see older babies and toddlers with them but I really dont see too many young infants with bottles. but I see a lot of them nursing. and yes, while I havent seen people whip it out per se...I HAVE seen women who dont bother to cover up fairly often. if nursing in a public space is unavoidable, do us all a favor and cover up. it is the very attitude of entitlement to feel that everyone else must see you uncovered, whatever their level of discomfort. I really dont care if you dont like to cover up you or your baby: it is rude. very rude. when people see someone at least trying to be discreet, even if they are uncomfortable, they want to give them the benefit of the doubt. but is someone really has no level of consideration for others then really it just pisses them off. and makes them want to tell the manager or something. except then they are scared you will be an asshole and sue them or something.
right from the start I noticed this shaming of men for likeing breasts. that how dare they: these exist solely for the baby and men are just nasty if they like them. maybe this is why so many "lactivists' seem to be single moms...they shame men for being men and then wonder why their marriages dont work out or no one wants to marry them.
and who are you to tell this woman what she should and should not be feeling?
so uh, Dewi if you think her lack of self confidence is worse than not breastfeeding why the hell are you promoting breastfeeding? why not just promote confidence and be done with it? I will tell you why: because you want to discredit what this woman has to say any way you can. because what she has to say puts a hole in your 'lactivism" and you dont like it. you dont like it that...ouch...some women have been deeply hurt and deeply affected by the over emphasis on breastfeeding by you and your ilk. that maybe there is a not so sunny side to all that breastfeeding promotion that you have fought so hard for. that maybe there is a black lining to all those years of shoving breastfeeding down everyones throat so lets just blame her for having low self esteem and then voila, its just her fault and your little brand of social activism has nothing to do with it. that way you dont have to admit that perhaps all of this constantly pushing breastfeeding isnt as fantastic as you think.
I don't think that most women who support breastfeeding feel that the breast has no place in sex. I meant that people often act as though a baby feeding is a disgusting act, that the breast should belong to man alone. Maybe that is one of the problems here-people keep acting as though extremist views belong to an entire group. And I doubt most breastfeeding women have a desire to display their breasts in public. If someone looks over and happens to catch a glimpse, well, it's not the worst thing in the world. You see more flesh on tv. I've said before, I live in PA and here at least, breastfeeding women are in the minority. I have seen another woman breastfeed in public once. I was the first person at two different jobs to breastfeed (and pump). People acted as though it was completely disgusting and made comments both to me and behind my back. As soon as I said I intended to breastfeed my mother-in-law started telling me stories about women whose milk dried up.....I've gotten disgusted looks for breastfeeding discreetly in secluded areas(NO part of me was visible and someone stood in front of me when I put the baby to the breast). At the doctor's office they ask, what formula is your baby on-it's routine-and they look surprised when I say none. I knew more about breastfeeding than my first ob. and the pediatrician. Sure, this is just one person's experience.....but I really think that society accepts the bottle more readily than the breast. In my experience strangers feel free to comment on many aspects of parenting-not just feeding-and it's rude. Women get criticized for just about every choice they make-I think we should be supporting each other instead of attacking for choices that are different.
I don't think that most women who support breastfeeding feel that the breast has no place in sex. I meant that people often act as though a baby feeding is a disgusting act, that the breast should belong to man alone. Maybe that is one of the problems here-people keep acting as though extremist views belong to an entire group. And I doubt most breastfeeding women have a desire to display their breasts in public. If someone looks over and happens to catch a glimpse, well, it's not the worst thing in the world. You see more flesh on tv. I've said before, I live in PA and here at least, breastfeeding women are in the minority. I have seen another woman breastfeed in public once. I was the first person at two different jobs to breastfeed (and pump). People acted as though it was completely disgusting and made comments both to me and behind my back. As soon as I said I intended to breastfeed my mother-in-law started telling me stories about women whose milk dried up.....I've gotten disgusted looks for breastfeeding discreetly in secluded areas(NO part of me was visible and someone stood in front of me when I put the baby to the breast). At the doctor's office they ask, what formula is your baby on-it's routine-and they look surprised when I say none. I knew more about breastfeeding than my first ob. and the pediatrician. Sure, this is just one person's experience.....but I really think that society accepts the bottle more readily than the breast. In my experience strangers feel free to comment on many aspects of parenting-not just feeding-and it's rude. Women get criticized for just about every choice they make-I think we should be supporting each other instead of attacking for choices that are different.
so uh, anyone who disagrees is "stalkling"??? listen if I wanted to stalk Katie she has made it abundantly plain where she works, where her kids go to school, etc etc etc (pretty darn foolish if you ask me....) because I visit her blog every few days and leave a post or so when something gets under my skin..if that makes me a stalker then Dewi you really need to get out your Websters and start reading. by your definition of "stalking" probably you and Katie are both "stalking" George Bush.
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