Monday

oh...my...god

It isn't too often that I read something about parenting that leaves my mouth hanging open in horror, but this column did.

This woman is very, very angry...at herself, at her children, at life...

The column is about how beating her kids...oh, wait, she actually refers to it as "wailing the tar out of" them is not abuse. It's very defensive in tone -- she clearly knows what she's doing is wrong but apparently can't figure out any workable alternatives.

An excerpt:

"Is it abusive to publicly spank your child, hard, after the third time she kicks you in the shins?

It was one Sunday at Ryan's in Oak Ridge. We had just come from the baptism of my oldest daughter and were standing in line, waiting to order. My then 4-year-old daughter, Sarah, out of the blue kicks me in the shin with one of her beautiful, shiny patent leather shoes.

Rubbing my shin, I said "Don't do that, honey." She responded by kicking me again. I gave her a scowl and whispered through clenched teeth, "Stop that noooooow." Now, I don't know how little minds work, but for whatever reason she kicked me a third time.

Without thinking I scooped her up, draped her over my left forearm and wailed the tar out of her. I remember looking up to see the face of the woman behind us in line. She gave me the disapproving, incredulous "raised eyebrow" look and muttered something about "child abuse" under her breath.

I was hurt, crushed at the woman's obvious disapproval of my actions. So, I calmly sat Sarah back on her feet and told her "Sarah, honey, why don't you go kick that nice lady in the shins, so Mommy can see what she does." As Sarah headed off to do as she was told, my husband intervened, taking a place in line between me and the woman, who shoved her husband in front of her in self defense."

13 comments:

Lisa said...

Oh my god. That left my mouth hanging open in horror also. I hope that evil woman goes to jail for abuse and I feel terribly sorry for her children. She will undoubtedly look back and wonder why they don't care to have a relationship with her as adults.

Anonymous said...

Wonder what Mommy is going to do when her little darling is bigger, heavier and younger than she is?

Barry Wallace said...

In fairness, I got from the tone of the article that she was stretching the truth a bit, especially about sending her daughter over to kick the stranger.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I've known people who would be more likely to tell that type of story outloud, rather than write it - she may be one that does both.

Anonymous said...

With respect, I am as mortified by your response to my column as you appear to be with its content. My children are in no way abused, nor am I an evil woman, angry with myself, my children, or my life. Quite the contrary. My family is blessed and I'm blessed to have them.
My recent column was highly hyperbolized, centered on actual events that my children, husband and I now find humerous. I apologize for any offense.
And, by the way, two of my three daughters are now bigger and stronger than me.
We define beatings at my house as tickle fests that usually take place on the living room floor. All three of my children, now 16, 14 and 11 request these 'beatings' routinely.
Though, obviously no authority on parenting, our family has used corporal punishment in conjuntion with the more accepted time outs, revocation of priveledges, and restrictions as methods of discipline. I do not think we are terribly out of synch with the rest of the community.
As to going to jail for abuse? I suppose I cannot defend against such a strong opinion of my cruel behavior, so I won't. Suffice it to say that my children would probably visit daily and complain that our justice system failed them for incarcerating their mom over a spanking or two.
My personal oppinion is that many parents today have abdicated disciplinary responsibilities, and our children are suffering for it. But that's just my humble opinion.
Finally, thank you Barry for your insight.

Lisa said...

I fail to find "humerous" comments such as "overwhelming desire to beat my children", "wailed the tar out of her", "in a fit of rage I yelled at her" ... these are abusive statements. Comments such as "having suffered enough indignity" and "at the cost of your own humiliation" come across as very self-centered... that you care much more about how you appear to others than about the well-being of your children. And children obeying and behaving their parents does not equate to "healthy respect for mom and dad" ... the behavior you wish of your children can come out of respect for their parents OR out of fear of these same parents. And, yes, many abused children will protest being separated from their abusive parents... amazing how children have so much love in their hearts even for those who treat them so badly.

Anonymous said...

What is it about people like this that they see the opposite of "severe spanking" as "no discipline"?

Imagine extrapolating this extremely limited toolbox of coping skills to marriage. "We were at the beach, and I caught my husband looking at this 20-year-old in a bikini, so I divorced him. If more women had the guts to do this, the adultery rate would be nonexistent!"

"And, by the way, two of my three daughters are now bigger and stronger than me."

Then you probably want to let them know that if Mommy tee-hees about telling them to go kick a stranger, they might want to have a criminal defense lawyer's number on their cell phones.

Anonymous said...

A woman who hits her children wonders why her 4-year-old kicks her in the shin repeatedly. As you sow, you shall reap.

Anonymous said...

To all those who have visited the website of Katie Allison:

This is the daughter of the reporter who has been slanderized for the past two days. I NEVER HAVE AND NEVER WILL BE ABUSED by my parents, relatives, or anyone else. Everything that has been posted on this website about this topic is a total lie. If it wasn't for her discipline as a child I probably wouldn't be here today. As for mythago's comment yesterday, Mommy's little darling is sixteen, 6'0 tall, and gets along just fine with Mommy. To Mamalife, I would never dream of having my mother thrown in jail. I do care to continue a relationship with my mother. She is the wonderful person who brought me into this world. Who al I to shun her? To Barry, thank you for not believing these false allegations. It is greatly appreciated and hasn't gone unnoticed.

All this reporter wanted to do is make people laugh and bring in humor. Congratulations, you all have managed to take this article too literally and ruin it for everyone.

Julie said...

Sometimes I really, really feel like smacking my 3 kids, but here's an explanation for why I don't

Anonymous said...

That poor girl Rachel! She does not even know how abusive her childhood really was. Thank god someone could see through Lori's thinly disguised confession.
-Sam

Anonymous said...

You people really need to get a life! It's obvious that this Rachel girl is not abused and Lori is streching the truth. It's a funny newspaper article, for goodness sakes!

Anonymous said...

You people really need to get a life! It's obvious that this Rachel girl is not abused. Lori is streching the truth for the sake of a newspaper article. Please take a hint and wait to be called on!

Anonymous said...

If discipline is improving, why are American children such spoiled brats? And it only seems to be getting worse...