tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post921698965814101931..comments2023-10-31T12:05:02.496+00:00Comments on katieallisongranju: new essayUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-7710765864134954762007-04-19T05:24:00.000+00:002007-04-19T05:24:00.000+00:00Katie:Great article. In addition to many of the p...Katie:<BR/><BR/>Great article. In addition to many of the points you made, itr also seems that this generation of hyper-parents acts like they are the first to ever have kids.<BR/><BR/>The over-parenting phenomenon is such a problem, that some colleges have had to hold classes to "help" parents let go. The WSJ wrote an article recently about companies sending copies of offer letters to new hires to their parents. Good grief.<BR/><BR/>nice worf.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-41483283311149451442007-04-18T18:28:00.000+00:002007-04-18T18:28:00.000+00:00You definitely do get more relaxed as you have mor...You definitely do get more relaxed as you have more kids.<BR/><BR/>Henry and I were talking last night how when he was little, I tried to prevent him from ever playing with any toy guns.<BR/><BR/>Now Elliot plays with a rusty machete.Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04704163845968356340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-2317671057507820362007-04-18T18:16:00.000+00:002007-04-18T18:16:00.000+00:00um, waiting for your kid to fall asleep so you don...um, waiting for your kid to fall asleep so you don't have to read to him is hardly a major parenting faux pas. It is a sad commentary on our times that someone might think it is. <BR/>About matters of some importance, yes, she is very self congratulatory about matters such as this, using other people as her 'bad examples". No she didn't use the friends name but it does sound like "I'm doing this better than you are neener neener neener". Frankly it sounds like first kid syndrome to me (the pea lady, I mean). I wonder what dumb obsessive stuff SHE did with her first child???Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-55950543655345939912007-04-18T16:36:00.000+00:002007-04-18T16:36:00.000+00:00I've read Katie's blog for years, and most all her...I've read Katie's blog for years, and most all her published articles as well. <BR/><BR/>She is a goddess, but not because she makes herself out to be one. Actually she is continually poking fun at herself and admitting to her own shortcomings as a parent.Which is the main reason I enjoy her writing.<BR/><BR/>Peace out.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-55196314618411154922007-04-18T16:27:00.000+00:002007-04-18T16:27:00.000+00:00I don't think she comes off humbly like its "just ...I don't think she comes off humbly like its "just her opinion". Despite protests to the contrary she most definately appears to think that someone died and left her the god(dess) of parenting matters.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-91244052568464210412007-04-18T16:26:00.000+00:002007-04-18T16:26:00.000+00:00Of course you are assuming that someone that puts ...Of course you are assuming that someone that puts their baby on a schedule is then going to be the parent not letting their tween go to slumber parties and hovering. I have really only known one overly restricted parent like this and she had some series abuse issues and was petrified if she let her girl out of her sight that what happened to her would happen to her child. And she co slept and breastfed a long time. I think there is no correlation between <BR/>"AP" and hovering over older kids. It might make a good selling point to you because it worked that way for you but I haven't seen it. I think a lot of the hovering behavior written about in the media which I have been mercifully isolated from in my neck of the woods is all about achievement and fear that kids will need to get ahead. In some segments the parent is afraid that if their child is last eating with a spoon that if they fast forward twenty years the same kid will be flipping burgers at Mickey Ds while the other kids in the playgroup go to Harvard. This has nothing to do with attachment parenting. And by the way, aren't YOU going to be leaving your young baby for large chunks of time?????Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-15872319304382048882007-04-18T10:55:00.000+00:002007-04-18T10:55:00.000+00:00To anonymous at 12:18 p.m.: You don't need an acc...To anonymous at 12:18 p.m.: You don't need an account to post your name. You go to the comment section, click "Other" under "Choose an identity", put whatever name you want to show up in the NAME field, and then post (like I just did, assuming you're reading this.)<BR/><BR/>I also wish people didn't post anonymously - not because I give a hoot who you are, but when there are a lot of posts on a subject, it's often hard to tell who the heck is saying what.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-29580418004441404492007-04-17T19:37:00.000+00:002007-04-17T19:37:00.000+00:00Here we go again...Lets beat up Katie for making a...Here we go again...Lets beat up Katie for making a living by using her talent and sharing her opinions on parenting. She is merely exchanging her ideas with a broader audience (instead of chatting in the neighborhood playground.)She has never proclaimed that she is the know it all of parenting.She just happens to write about how she feels regarding particular parenting issues.I don't see where that is such a horrible thing.There is no book that will tell you the absolute right way to raise kids and if you are naive enough to think that there is such a book, or that such an author exists,my guess is that you are setting yourself up for more disappointment. jcbAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-9094954145259297312007-04-17T16:40:00.000+00:002007-04-17T16:40:00.000+00:00my thoughts on the difference between attachment p...my thoughts on the difference between attachment parenting and "over-parenting" <BR/>This is an essay I wrote about three years ago on this topic. See what you think:<BR/><BR/>ROOTS AND WINGS<BR/><BR/>-Katie Allison Granju<BR/><BR/>We dropped our nearly-12-year-old son, Henry off for a month at summer camp this weekend. He stayed two weeks last year but wanted to try a month this time. I know I'll miss him but it was fun to see him happily waving goodbye, surrounded by a gaggle of other boys as we drove away. <BR/><BR/>In the past few weeks, as I've mentioned to friends and acquaintances that Henry would be gone at camp for four weeks, I've encountered quite a bit of wonderment that we would allow him to stay away that long, or that he would want to. Interestingly, some of the folks who seemed most startled at the idea that a sixth grader would spend a month away from his parents at summer camp are the same people who have amazed me in the past with their willingness to leave their infants and very young children for days or even longer at a time. <BR/><BR/>In thinking about that riddle, I was reminded yet again of how upside-down I find much of millennial, Western child rearing to be. I think we have it backwards in our culture: we don't allow babies much of a babyhood, but we treat our older children and teenagers like babies for far too long. <BR/><BR/>As with other higher-order mammals, human infants are hardwired to require certain responses from their adult caregivers in order to thrive. Human babies need to be held a great deal—almost constantly, actually—and experience a great deal of touch-time with other humans. They need to eat very frequently and in small amounts, including during the night. They have a strong need to suck for comfort, not only for food. They need to discover that they are able to elicit responses from the people around them when they cry. And optimally, human infants need to wean and reach other important developmental milestones, such as readiness for separation from parents—at their own unique pace. <BR/><BR/>Notice that I said that they need these things to thrive, rather than survive. I'm well aware of the anecdotal "my mother fed me on a strict schedule and I'm just fine" argument (I myself rode around without a car seat in a haze of second hand smoke as a tyke), but a growing body of respected anthropological and medical research now supports the view that high-touch, fed-on-cue, attachment-style child care yields optimal neurological and emotional development in babies and young children. <BR/><BR/>Sure, babies can turn out OK under a variety of conditions, just as plants can take root in rocky soil, but we know with increasing assuredness what the gold standard is. <BR/><BR/>Yet we modern American parents lead the world in our gadgetry and lifestyles designed to maximize babies' separation from their parents. Although there has been some movement toward more attachment-style parenting in recent years, American babies still spend more time in playpens, swings, cribs, and battery powered bouncy seats than they do in the arms of their parents, siblings, and other relatives. We stay at arm's length, and it's almost as if we are afraid to hold our babies too much for fear they will never let us put them down. <BR/><BR/>But by age six or seven, we begin to obsess over every detail of our kids' lives and micro-manage every moment of their days. Because we worry about stranger danger and exposure to the wrong movies, advertising, or foods, we no longer allow kids to wander freely through our neighborhoods or even our own front yards, where they should be learning important lessons in autonomy and problem solving. I meet many 10- and 11-year-old children who, while never having spent a night sleeping in the same bed as their parents as infants, still have never spent a night at a friend's house as third and fourth graders. <BR/><BR/>Our parenting style is like asking trapeze artists to learn to work without a net first, and only after they have mastered this, insisting that they perform in full safety gear of nets, wires, and pulleys. I believe that the result of this backwards approach to raising kids is that we are turning out children who may feel an unexpressed longing for something very primal that they can't even identify, yet without basic life skills or self confidence. <BR/><BR/>Babies need babying. Big kids need the chance to try out their wings. <BR/><BR/>And when they experience the inevitable bumps and bruises along the way, that's when we get to hold them close and give them a little "booster shot" of smother love. I fully anticipate that we will receive at least one "I'm so homesick I could die" letter from Henry. When I do, I'll pack and send off an extra special care package for him and continue to count the days until we get to retrieve him. And I'll be both surprised and a little disappointed if in a year or two, he doesn't feel ready for a five week stay. <BR/><BR/>COPYRIGHT KATIE ALLISON GRANJU - 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007 - ALL RIGHTS RESERVEDJuliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04704163845968356340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-17944674235001288422007-04-17T16:36:00.000+00:002007-04-17T16:36:00.000+00:00I disagree. Katie's done a great job of explaining...I disagree. Katie's done a great job of explaining the difference between attachment parenting and the hovering parenting style that she is spotlighting. Have you ever read The Continuum Concept? She also writes in the first person, as a mom and not a parenting expert, so in no way should anyone expect they are reading something by a psychologist or pediatrician when they read her stories and articles. I prefer reading Katie's writing to books and articles by male doctors and pHd's because I believe her perspective is different and fresh. I have been a fan of her work for years and will keep reading. I do also like her music reviews and such even though I rarely get to hear any new music LOL!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-20603808936061042592007-04-17T16:27:00.000+00:002007-04-17T16:27:00.000+00:00I would further add that this woman greatly contri...I would further add that this woman greatly contributed to the overparenting and overstressing of mothers of infants (Dr Sears takes the big prize on that one but Ms Granju surely contributed her own two bits). How ironic that now she is judging others for running with that worry. She might want to look at the fact that a really good amount of her writing is presuming to judge what other parents should or should not be doing. No doubt this fishbowl effect propels even more of the "overparenting" trend because people such as Ms Granju have led mothers (especially but Dads too) to believe that things that matter not a bit are truly significant. It is a shame that she actually is a gifted writer because what she directs her efforts to is pure crap. Perhaps she would be wise to stick to pop culture commentary. Or if she must write about parenting, humor is ALWAYS the great equalizer. But she who microanalyzes the parenting of everyone else (before the baby is even out!!!) really needs to put the brakes on before talking about how everyone else is "overparenting".<BR/>I would also like to add she is hardly the first to identify this. I googled the word and there is another book published by a man who has a Ph.D and works with troubled kids and seems far more of an authority. Everything else I have seen on "overparenting" identifies "attachment parenting" as part of the problem. Interesting.<BR/>Granju comes up with no new ideas, puts her own judgemental little spin on them, speaks from no place of real knowledge and authority except her own opinions and for what? So she can make a living as a writer? There is nothing wrong with writing for a living but spare us the parental "expertise" because you don't have any. Stick to the HGTV stuff and music reviews. Based on the "teaser" of this essay, the book itself will no doubt be very expensive toilet paper.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-39128246541011114832007-04-17T16:18:00.000+00:002007-04-17T16:18:00.000+00:00maybe people go anonymous because it is a humongou...maybe people go anonymous because it is a humongous hassle to make up an account etc etc etc. I would be more than happy to sign myself as "Tina" or "Mary" or some other anonymous name but I don't want to go to the hassle of making up an account just to do that.<BR/>I suspect her supporters are other navel gazing bloggers who have their own accounts. The people who just drop by for entertainment purposes no doubt have better things to do than spend hours on line pontificating stupidity on their own accounts.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-19502711799030961192007-04-17T14:58:00.000+00:002007-04-17T14:58:00.000+00:00It's always nice how all the comments putting her ...It's always nice how all the comments putting her down are under anonymous. If you really believe what you say speak up!Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10893469382937154079noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-30024780403330548692007-04-17T14:39:00.000+00:002007-04-17T14:39:00.000+00:00I loved your essay in Babble. I had never visited ...I loved your essay in Babble. I had never visited your blog before but plan to come back often. <BR/><BR/>Merri - mother to two boys 11 and 6 years oldAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-69535675230961978452007-04-17T14:38:00.000+00:002007-04-17T14:38:00.000+00:00Do some of you people even read Katie's blog? Read...Do some of you people even read Katie's blog? Read her post about childbirth again. I would hardly call what she wrote as being inflexible or micromanaging. She says she is working with both doctors and midwives. She's open to testing that's recommended but educating herself. She may or may not want an epedural. What is inflexible about that?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-32716291416263902192007-04-17T14:24:00.000+00:002007-04-17T14:24:00.000+00:00For someone that is micromanaging their baby's bir...For someone that is micromanaging their baby's birth, it's surprising to me that you are condemning other moms for being inflexible.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-89839180528140251942007-04-17T11:53:00.000+00:002007-04-17T11:53:00.000+00:00"Play date" is my pet peeve. What happened to Susi..."Play date" is my pet peeve. What happened to Susie's going to play with Janie? Why is it now a "play date" rather than just children playing. Even playing - something children do naturally - has become structured and completely organized. Go play. Have fun. No date needed.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-44466008844851077022007-04-17T10:53:00.000+00:002007-04-17T10:53:00.000+00:00Loved the essay. Love Katie's writing. Love her bl...Loved the essay. Love Katie's writing. Love her blog because she is so incredibly honest about her own faults as a parent. It makes me feel less alone.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-15427677817137526632007-04-17T02:46:00.000+00:002007-04-17T02:46:00.000+00:00nope, you are not wrong about her. Something to sa...nope, you are not wrong about her. Something to say about everyone and blind to her own faults.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-6197281215063428132007-04-17T01:31:00.000+00:002007-04-17T01:31:00.000+00:00This is a very interesting topic and I applaud the...This is a very interesting topic and I applaud the discussion, however...<BR/>You are one of the most self-congratulatory parents I've ever read on Babble. You appear both snide and judgmental in this piece. You are competing just as much as any of the parents you are criticizing. Can't you see it? <BR/>I'd like to continue reading your work, and I really hope I'm wrong about you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-3366345588940439292007-04-17T00:28:00.000+00:002007-04-17T00:28:00.000+00:00My impression is that the anon that thinks you are...My impression is that the anon that thinks you are "mean" is the ex-friend & child you profiled in your article.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-62710030062927752532007-04-16T23:09:00.000+00:002007-04-16T23:09:00.000+00:00I am wondering what part socioecconomics plays in ...I am wondering what part socioecconomics plays in this?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-53809657292072811052007-04-16T22:06:00.000+00:002007-04-16T22:06:00.000+00:00rather ironic that someone who made quite a few wo...rather ironic that someone who made quite a few women feel that they were inadequete mothers would write this. I tell people who have babies that so much of the shit out there about sleeping, co sleeping, crying it out, not crying it out is bullshit. Of course once you have worked yourself into a frenzy over all the birth, baby, feeding decisions of an infant, you have no energy left over to worry about truly important things like whether that nice man down the street that talks to your son(thereby taking him off your hands while you get work done) is a pedophile.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-41661331685055477962007-04-16T21:08:00.000+00:002007-04-16T21:08:00.000+00:00Fantastic article, and I couldn't agree more. As a...Fantastic article, and I couldn't agree more. As a matter of fact, I just wrote a similar article in my own 'Dad' blog, though not nearly as in-depth: (http://dadrants.wordpress.com/2007/04/09/are-we-hurting-our-kids-futures-by-overprotecting-them/)<BR/><BR/>I must admit though that we do use the shopping cart cover thing, but it's not because we're worried about the germs. It actually serves more as a stability device. Our daughter was/is able to sit upright much easier in the cart-cover, versus sitting in the cart free-style. <BR/><BR/>As for the "Spoon issue", I think there's one other thing that warrants mention, and that is the sheer enjoyment you get as a parent from watching your child figure things out for themselves. Our daughter is VERY close to crawling, and my wife and I love to simply sit on the couch and watch her flop around and rock back-and-forth, and try to "work it out". In the process, we got to see her figure out how to get from her stomach back to a sitting position. It was really amazing (at least to us), and we would never have gotten to see it if we were hovering over her trying to guide (dictate) her every move. <BR/><BR/>Part of parenting certainly involves teaching your kids, but part of parenting is also knowing when to let them just figure it out for themselves. <BR/><BR/>Chris<BR/>dadrants.wordpress.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9504620.post-34755564268200008522007-04-16T20:35:00.000+00:002007-04-16T20:35:00.000+00:00The better parent knows that they don't have to pl...The better parent knows that they don't have to plan or control every aspect and every minute of their childs life. Still, parenting is hard/difficult work. But hard/difficult work is not necessarily "joyless."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com